Showing posts from 2012

Django Unchained, A Black Love Story!

I have been waiting for over a year to see Quentin Tarantino's Django Unchained.  The idea of a runaway slave, recaptured, only to be rescued by a white bounty hunter; definitely intrigued me. When I heard that that this black man was seeking revenge, and on a quest to find his wife who had been sold away from him, I was waiting on the edge of my seat.  Django Unchained, all 2 hours and 45 minutes, was not a disappointment.  I loved this film. Jamie Foxx was solid as the intelligent quiet man searching for his true love played by Kerry Washington.  Foxx brought undeniable dignity to his role.

Django Unchained is a raw, violent, witty movie set during the darkest time in American history. Amidst all the violence, sadistic acts and the N-words, there lies a pure love story.  Django will go to the bowels of hell to rescue his beloved Broomhilda.  And he does just that when he arrives at the Candyland Plantation.  The Master, Calvin J. Candie, brilliantly played by Leonardo Dicaprio …

Trinidad Carnival, The Greatest Show on Earth

The holiday season is upon us and while I prepare for the festivities my mind keeps travelling to thoughts of Trinidad Carnival.  I was fortunate to attend for the past two years after a three year hiatus.  Trinidad Carnival is the 8th Wonder of the World.  Playing mas with a band on Carnival Monday and Tuesday is the most fun I have ever had in my life. And I have been on this Earth for several decades.  I am referring to the infamous bikini bands that inhabit the streets of Port of Spain right before Lent starts. You have the hot Caribbean weather mixed with the pulsating sounds of soca music; with thousands of half-naked bodies gyrating up and down the streets, add all-inclusive alcohol and you have the recipe for the ultimate party.
If I were attending next February I would have registered for my costume months ago. I mourn the fact that I will not be taking part in the bacchanal next year.  I find solace in the memories starting in 1998 when I first played mas in the now defunct…


"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.
There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because…

Keeping it Sexy

Eartha Kitt the Queen of Sexy
When the General Petraeus sex scandal hit the news I thought to myself not another story where Americans obsess about a man in power cheating on his wife.  We have a history of paying way too much attention to the sexual indiscretions of our politicians.  Whether it is Bill Clinton's cigar episode, Anthony Weiners shirtless tweets or the General's decision to hump his biographer, a man's decision to step out on his wife has us transfixed.  I tried very hard to avoid the Petraeus story until I saw a photo of his wife, Holly Petraeus.  The focus has been on the women involved in this fiasco; those flirtatious seductive vixens that lured poor Mr. Petraeus into their vaginal webs.  I wouldn't be surprised if later on we find out they were in a well established sex club. Everyone involved is married and they appear to be swapping , there is more to this story.

The moment I saw the General's wife I thought she could be the double for Mrs. Do…


It has been a week since President Obama got reelected.  This win is much sweeter the second time around.    As a woman I am relieved that President Obama will remain in office. The extremists have lost some serious ground.  I don't know about anyone else, but my vagina smiled last Tuesday.  Here is why she is still purring.

1. The War on Women is real.   Two Republican politicians on their recent campaign trails spouted their ignorant views of "legitimate rape." These same candidates were endorsed by Mitt Romney and he continued to endorse them after their stupid comments.  Rape is a vile hateful act, there is nothing legitimate about it.  Fortunately both candidates, Mourdock of Indiana and Akins of Missouri, loss their bids for public office.

2. The Right to Choose. Abortion is a dreaded decision that a woman makes with a heavy heart, but it should be her choice. The threat to Roe vs Wade was hanging in the balance during this Presidential campaign.  There is a stron…

Size Always Matters

A new study conducted by the Journal of Sexual Medicine has discovered that penis size does matter; at least when it comes to women who enjoy having vaginal orgasms. I would say that is quite a few women.  Psychologists at the University of Scotland asked 323 women  a series of questions about their sexual encounters. According to the study, women who have frequent vaginal orgasms attribute it to men who have larger penises.  These women claimed longer is better, but I have to throw girth in there.  A long thin penis is like stabbing your coochie with a pencil, in my opinion. Scottish psychologists determined that the average penis size is 5.8 inches. The women in the study said they were more likely to come if a man's penis was larger than average.

Now  this study does not seem like much of a revelation to me.  We can tip toe around it all we want; a man who is well endowed can do some damage, if he knows what he is doing.  Just throwing a big dick at a woman is not enough.  I f…

Holiday Sex

Your man tells you he and the boys are taking a little trip together.  They are probably going to play golf, jet ski and take in the sights.  Innocent enough right? After all you and your girls love your long weekend getaways together.  Good food, music, and the company of your sister friends makes for some wonderful memories.  Now all of a sudden he is pressed to get his U.S. passport. Well before he packs that suitcase and heads for that tropical paradise; where is he really going? Chances are the main objective for some of his boys is to get their dicks wet.  Will your man succumb to peer pressure?  Sex tourism is real.  It probably existed since Columbus sailed the seven seas.

Men with disposable income travel to exotic locals to have sex with beautiful women every single day.  There are countries that cater to their erotic desires.  The women are skilled and can make your man feel like he is Idris Elba sitting on a stack of money.   Prostitution can be found on every corner of t…

Celibacy Blues

Webster's Dictionary defines celibacy as the abstention from sexual intercourse and the state of not being married.  I grew up in the Catholic church so I always associated celibacy with the vow a priest or a nun takes. We all know that some priests have not been able to make that work. I would bet money that the nuns haven't all been successful either, they are just more discrete.  My understanding is, if one is celibate they not only give up the pleasures of the flesh but they abstain from all sexual activitiy and thoughts as well.  That theory means if you stopped fucking but you still masturbate, you are not celibate. Or if you only watch porn but you don't engage in vaginal penetration you are still not celibate.

Abstaining from sexual intercourse is a huge task to take on. In a society where sexual images and potential partners are ubiquitous; it takes a determination of steel to completely give up fucking. I had no idea who Devon Franklin was prior to viewing his i…

Response to Just Say No to Wife Beaters

In response to "Just Say No to Wife Beaters" (see previous post) I have been informed by the male gender that there are some things they would prefer women not to wear. I in no way want to be bias, so here are their words...

Two Tone Weaves

Multicolored weaves. One color at a time...
They look like they belong on a bird.

Ugg Boots

Especially in the summertime....

Long False Eyelashes

It looks like your eyes are about to fall off.

Too Many Accessories

Just too much going on.

Tight Spandex

Tight spandex is a problem when all the lumps and bumps are showing.

Just Say No To Wife Beaters

Black men are the most beautiful men in the world to me. Nothing rivals a brother's swagger. Now I am speaking about grown men, not  teenagers or twenty something year olds with Similac still on their breath.  A mature well groomed black man in age appropriate attire is a vision of loveliness.   He does not have to be Idris Elba or Shemar Moore fine to turn my head.

The summer is behind us, but I live in Florida where there are really no seasons. So fortunately the men are able to flaunt their physiques all year round. I love to see a man in well fitted clothing that compliments his body. With that said, there really are some fashion don'ts I would like to see men put an end to.

Wife Beaters

Watching your man walk around the house in a white undershirt and boxers can be a turn on.  But there is something about him throwing on a pair of jeans or shorts and walking out the door in just a white undershirt that seems a bit off. Unless a man has a body like Tyson Beckford and is of…

The Gay Relationship

Robert Brown and Nathanael Gay posted their wedding nuptials on youtube for all the world to see. Of course it has garnered its share of negative comments. We are after all in a somewhat homophobic society. The battle rages on to allow gays the right to marry in every state and above all for the federal government to recognize it.

Last week I met a gay couple that had recently gotten married in New York, where their union is legal. We discussed the civil service ceremony and their small reception, as you would any other wedding. The first thing I noticed about them was how well they complimented one another.  They had been together for three years prior to marrying and it just seemed right.  I fully support the right for homosexuals to marry.  I have more of an issue with how lightly people take the institution of marriage.  Straight people make a mockery of marriage every single day. If two consenting adults of the same gender want the right to make their union legal, who am I to j…

Natural Hair and Beauty Expo

Last weekend I attended the Natural Hair and Beauty Expo at the the Double Tree Hilton in Orlando, FL.  It  was my first time attending, but hopefully wont' be the last. The room at the hotel was filled with sisters proudly wearing their hair in its natural state.  The black entrepreneurs hawking hair and beauty products, that you won't t find on the shelves of CVS or Target, were inspiring. Unequivocally I am a beauty product junkie. My new addiction is a Lemongrass Leave in Conditioner by Alikay Naturals which, I picked up a their booth at the expo.

Black women are unique in the fact that wearing our hair in the texture we were born with is considered making a statement. Changing our hair texture is fully embraced but choosing not to is still frowned upon in many circles.  If a white or Asian woman decides she does not want to alter her hair with a chemical or weave no one blinks an eye.  My natural hair journey started in 1996 when I decided to give up the perm forever.  A…

Love on the Rebound

So Rihanna and Chris Brown may be back together again after all. The focus for the next days will definitely be about  how a young woman could get back into a relationship with a man who physically assaulted her.  Domestic Violence is a serious issue.  The victims bear inner scars long after the outer scars heal. But my first thought when I read of the R&B couple reuniting was about the young lady who thought she was in a relationship with Brown. Was it wise for her to start dating a man who beat his last woman and, above all else, never got his ex out of his system.

Rebound is not so much the length of time that has passed since the previous relationship ended; but if you have gotten over that ex.  A person who knowingly gets involved with someone on the rebound has to be ready for the floor to fall from beneath them at anytime.  Unless you met and married your high school sweetheart chances are you were in a relationship with someone on the rebound.  Can you really get over an …


Being in a relationship is hard.  Opening yourself up to another person exposes all your vulnerabilities. We each bring our own individual baggage into our relationships. Some of us bring a small overnight bag and others a five piece luggage set.  But, it is not so much how you enter a relationship but what you do while you are in it.  It is best to just take a deep breath and reevaluate your approach.  Here is some inspiration I picked up along the way.

Remember not getting what you want is sometimes a stoke of luck

The best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other

If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it
Make peace with your past, so it won't screw up the present
You don't have to win every argument


The Blacker the Berry was a controversial novel written by Wallace Thurman in 1929 during the Harlem Renaissance period.  It explores colorism within the black community during a period when the light skinned vs. dark skinned dilemma was in full effect. The phrase blacker the berry has several meanings.  It can be used as a sexually exploitative way to depict a black woman's vagina and the pleasure it can bring.  Or, it is a pro-black mantra celebrating the beauty of being black.  Tupac describes the latter best in Keep Your Head Up: "some say the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice, I say the darker the flesh then the deeper the roots".

It all brings me to the timeless musician, vocalist, and prolific song writer, Nina Simone.  Her music is dark, rich and complex as her life ever was. The story of this legendary singer should be told.  A debate rages on about the biopic, yet to be filmed, starring Zoe Saldana as Nina Simone. Some say she is way too light skinned to…

Revenge is a Bitch

Revenge is defined as the action of inflicting hurt or harm on someone for a wrong suffered at their hands.  I also see it as an inability to forgive and move on.  I can understand completely why a person would want to see someone suffer for doing them dirty. It is a natural reaction to want retribution for the pain inflicted upon you. How far you are willing to take it, is another issue.  The path to revenge is toxic and it can consume you.

One of the revenge stories to grab my attention was that of YaVaughnie Wilkins. She was the mistress of  Charles Philips, the former president of  the software company, Oracle and a senior member of President Obama's Economic Recovery Advisory Board.  The brother has quite an impressive resume.  Ms. Wilkins had been in an eight year relationship with a successful married man and in early 2010 after it went sour she placed a billboard on West 52nd Street near Times Square titled "Your are my soul mate".  Apparently that was a phrase h…

The Dream of Sexual Equality

A few years ago I picked up the novel Sexual Healing by Jill Nelson.   Two black women n their 40s decide they are going to secretly open a brothel spastrictly for black women, to indulge in all their carnal pleasures.  The idea comes to them as they fantasize about the perfect man and lament about their relationships.  One is in a relationship with a two-minute brother and the other has had a series of bad luck with men. It is hilarious when these two unlikely pimps start auditioning and interviewing the men to work at the brothel.  The employment application alone is worth a read.  A conservative preacher discovers their new business and tries to shut them down.

In the real world we know men have many avenues to satisfy their sexual urges. Brothels, massage parlors, and strip clubs can be found all across the country. (Where I live, they have 24 hour strip clubs.) I can't  forget to mention those trips to the Dominican Republic, Thailand and Brazil, but that's another stor…

Words To Live By

I am a a self professed internet junkie.  I love surfing the web.  I especially love those inspirational sites that  teach you some invaluable lessons and lead you on a positive path.  Here are some of my current favorites.

Choose your life mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per cent of all your happiness or misery.Accept that you won't be attractive to everyone.Give people a second chance, but not a third.Date someone out of your league.Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

Friends Without Benefits

Men and women can be friends without a sexual relationship.  Platonic relationships do exist but there are times when men may object to the direction the woman is taking it.  I got some feedback from some intelligent brothers who believe women, at times, step over their boundaries when it comes to friends without benefits.

Don't expect to be coddled, you will get the raw truth. Don't expect me to pay your way.  Ladies we should not assume that just because he is a man he will always pick up the check.  Yes he is a man, but not your man.Don't expect me not to holla at females.  You and he may have walked in the bar or club together but he will step to other women.  Do not give him shade for not paying attention to you all night.He won't always be able to return your phone call right away.  In other words unless it is an emergency, it can wait.Don't feel threatened by the women he is romantically…



Ladies, B.O.B, Battery Operated Boyfriend, as Raheem Devaughn so delicately put it to music, should be in every woman's collection.  We are all sexual beings and suppressing our desires and urges is unnatural. Recently I attended a Passion Party for a fun and wicked educational night with some girlfriends.   Some of the ladies like myself, already had indulged in the pleasures of sex toys while others were straight up B.O.B virgins.  We had a blast, while tipsy of course, discussing all the possibilities these treasures could offer.

I could remember the first time I bravely walked into a sex shop.  I was alone and in my early twenties window shopping in the West Village.  I had passed that sex shop countless times, but that day I got the nerve to walk in.  This was pre-online shopping days, so I am showing my age.  It was overwhelming and I was amazed at the number of things people can use to get themselves and their partners off.  The swings, harnesses, w…
The last hazy days of summer are behind us and this is the last weekend to catch a summer flick at the theather.  I have to admit Magic Mike and Madagascar 3 were the only films I saw this summer. Kind of a weird combination, I know.  I am longing for a sultry, sexy Black romantic film. So I began reminiscing about those movies of the past that exemplified the beauty and complexity of love between a Black man and woman.  Here are a few.

Love Jones.  When Nina and Darius finally get together the screen was on fire. But when Darius uttered those words, "fuck your man I ain't worried about him."  I melted.

Brother to the Night (A Blues for Nina)

Mahogany. Before there was Denzel or Idris Elba,  Billy Dee Williams was the chocolate sex symbol that made all the women swoon.  His movies with the ultimate diva, Diana Ross are classic black films that captured the hearts of many black girls who had not seen the likes of that brown chemistry before.  Mahogany and Lady Sings the B…

The List

 Yesterday I had a conversation with a recently divorced woman who was now getting back in the dating game.  She joined a dating site in the hopes of meeting an attractive professional man.  She asked me if I thought she should expand her selection to men she normally was not attracted to.  I told her I thought that would be a mistake. "Stay in your lane, and do not deviate".  Is that shallow?  No.  I truly believe when you reach a certain age and you are prepared to enter into a serious adult relationship, you should not deviate.  This morning she informed me she was meeting with someone she connected with online last night. They talked for hours.  For now he has many of the qualities she likes which scares her because he seems to good to be true.  Let's cross our fingers and hope it works out.

Years ago when my sister had lamented that she was tired of dating and wanted to find the "right one" for her, I convinced her to create a list of all the qualities …

Five Timeless Black Couples


Ozzie Davis and Ruby Dee are the quintisential Black couple.  They met while peforming on Broadway in the play Jeb.  They were award winning artists, activists and a  symbol of longevity. "Their marriage lasted until Ozzie's death in 2005.

A meeting at a Harlem Baptist Church in 1964 would create a divine musical match that gave the world such classics as "Aint No Mountain High Enough" and "I Am Every Woman".  " Their enduring love of music and each other led to a union that could only be undone by Nick Ashford's death in 2011.  The music is a testament to their love and will always live on.

The Hollywood power couple that met on the set of the Fresh Prince are the epitome of glamour and success.  He is a box office powerhouse and she a renaissance woman that compliments him perfectly.  Recent rumors of their separation haven't been proven but their timeless passion is undeniable.

Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison i…

Five Myths About Black Love

Black Love has taken quite a beating in the media these past couple years. We are bombarded with all the statistics especially those targeting black women.  70% of black women are single, interracial dating is on the rise, it goes on and on.  Here are some myths about Black Love floating around that hold no merit.

1.   Black men fear marriage.  Not true.  Black men don't fear marriage they fear not being able to provide for a family.  If a man is secure with his financial situation, he starts to think about settling down with a mate and starting his own family. His manhood demands it.  The economy sucks right now and many brothers are struggling with not being able to provide as they see fit.

2.   Black women are too independent to want or even keep a man.  Yes black women are strong-willed and self-efficient but we have no problem with our man taking charge.  There is nothing more desirable than a self assured brother that has your back and  can hold things down. Most sisters y…

Why a good father may keep a girl single.

When we analyze how a father affects his daughter’s relationships with men we tend to focus on the negative aspect; the absentee dad or the abusive father figure. It has been determined that how a little girl views her daddy has an impact on all her future romantic dealings with the opposite sex.If a young lady is eager to please a man at all cost or she gravitates to older domineering men, we blame it on daddy not being there.A woman caught in a vicious cycle of abusive relationships is assumed to have witnessed her father physically and mentally abusing her mother.The theories can go on forever. What of the girl who had a good father; the type of father that was nurturing, protective, and loving. There are some incredible Black fathers out there. If your daddy put you on a pedestal, did he ruin you for all others?I sometimes wonder if my expectations of a man are intertwined with the fact that I had a good father.I have a tendency of getting myself out of a relationship the moment I …

The Kiss

I have been single more often than I have been in a relationship.  It is a combination of luck, not opening myself to new experiences and just not meeting the right person.  Now with my track record you would think I would give up on love, but I haven't.  Yes, there are those days when I think that  I may never find the perfect man.  Not a perfect man, but the perfect one for me.   I try to be open minded and not limit myself but I love the brothers.  There is nothing more satisfying to me than to see a black man and black woman in love and holding it down.  It gives me hope.  No one exemplifies that more for me than our President and the First Lady.  Barack and Michelle are powerful figures that have paved a path like no other.  I am still bathing in the glory of the President's astronomically historical win in 2008.  Contrary to Morgan Freeman's recent statement about President Obama being the first mixed President, he is straight up a 100% black man to me.  What I admi…