Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Django Unchained, A Black Love Story!


I have been waiting for over a year to see Quentin Tarantino's Django Unchained.  The idea of a runaway slave, recaptured, only to be rescued by a white bounty hunter; definitely intrigued me. When I heard that that this black man was seeking revenge, and on a quest to find his wife who had been sold away from him, I was waiting on the edge of my seat.  Django Unchained, all 2 hours and 45 minutes, was not a disappointment.  I loved this film. Jamie Foxx was solid as the intelligent quiet man searching for his true love played by Kerry Washington.  Foxx brought undeniable dignity to his role.

Django Unchained is a raw, violent, witty movie set during the darkest time in American history. Amidst all the violence, sadistic acts and the N-words, there lies a pure love story.  Django will go to the bowels of hell to rescue his beloved Broomhilda.  And he does just that when he arrives at the Candyland Plantation.  The Master, Calvin J. Candie, brilliantly played by Leonardo Dicaprio is as charming as he is terrifying. You could imagine him waiting for you at the fiery gates of hell. The first face you see before everything goes up in flames.

Massa Candie and the German bounty hunter King Schultz, played by  Christoph Waltz, gave captivating performances that are Oscar worthy. But what moved me the most was that nothing would deter Django from rescuing his woman.  No sadistic slave trader, Uncle Tom (Samuel Jackson), botched plan can stop him from freeing Broomhilda. His love for her drives Django and it surrounds him protecting him from all the venomous hate that seeks to engulf him.  It is a simple story of a strong black man wanting nothing more than to have a life with his beautiful and strong black woman.  No matter how you wrap that tale it is one that needs to be told.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Trinidad Carnival, The Greatest Show on Earth


YUMA Carnival Tuesday 2k11
The holiday season is upon us and while I prepare for the festivities my mind keeps travelling to thoughts of Trinidad Carnival.  I was fortunate to attend for the past two years after a three year hiatus.  Trinidad Carnival is the 8th Wonder of the World.  Playing mas with a band on Carnival Monday and Tuesday is the most fun I have ever had in my life. And I have been on this Earth for several decades.  I am referring to the infamous bikini bands that inhabit the streets of Port of Spain right before Lent starts. You have the hot Caribbean weather mixed with the pulsating sounds of soca music; with thousands of half-naked bodies gyrating up and down the streets, add all-inclusive alcohol and you have the recipe for the ultimate party.

If I were attending next February I would have registered for my costume months ago. I mourn the fact that I will not be taking part in the bacchanal next year.  I find solace in the memories starting in 1998 when I first played mas in the now defunct band, Barbarossa .  I felt an intoxicating rush when I crossed the Queens Park Savannah Stage under the moonlight with hundreds upon hundreds of revelers. I was instantly addicted. It is not too late for someone to plan a trip to next year's festivities.  If you ever have a chance you should go. As I reminisce I think about the some of the reasons I will miss Carnival 2k13 so bad:

1.  The Fetes.  
When it comes to partying Trinidadians have it down to a science.  Who else would have breakfast fetes that start at the break of dawn and last until midday. In my youth I partied non-stop from when I landed at Piarco Airport in Port of Spain until I flew back out again.   I have slowed down a bit, but I still enjoy the selective all-inclusive parties with a mature and safe crowd. 




Yuma 2k12
2.  Playing Mas.
To get the full essence of Carnival you must play mas. I love to dress-up in costumes.  Halloween is my favorite holiday, so putting on glitter, bright make-up, feathers and beads is much appreciated.  You feel ultra sexy not matter what shape you are when you put on your costume. The beauty of Mas is it is open to everyone willing to pay.  When I first started you could get a costume for under 200 US dollars, but now the average female costume costs $400 to $800.  It seems a bit steep but it is worth every penny.  The price includes costumes for Monday and Tuesday with accessories and a goodie bag for the road. Monday's costume usually consists of  a cute tee shirt and short pants ensemble. Three meals and snacks are provided both days along with the beloved all-inclusive drink trucks that accompany you on the road.  No need to walk with too much cash. You also get the luxury of playing in a band with security who enforce the no non-masqueraders rule, especially when crossing the Savannah Stage.  Nothing rivals this bacchanal.
 
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3. The Escape.
For about one week I escape from all of the problems and issues I left behind in the real world.  I can regroup, unwind and "have a time", as the Trinis say.  Life's daily toil is temporarily a thing of the past. Once the music hits you feel no pain.  It all culminates on Ash Wednesday, the day after the Carnival Season ends, you find yourself at the beach where you can relax your mind and body. The afterglow is in full effect.

4.  Fountain of Youth.
Age doesn't matter during carnival. Teenagers to senior citizens and everyone in between join the party.  All aches and pains are endured as you fete until your heart is content. You are a big kid again and your only concern is how much revelry you can pack into one day.






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5. The Opposite Sex

There are some fine men that attend the Carnival every year.  All that eye candy is a feast for the eyes. You meet gorgeous brothers from all over the globe who are there for the same reason you are, to party hard. The well sculpted bodies and handsome faces are in abundance. There is nothing better than to turn around and find a beautiful brother thiefin' a wine.













6. Motivation to Work Out.
When I grow up I want to be fit like her.
I am not the biggest fan of exercising. Months prior to Carnival approaching, I work out and watch what I eat in the hopes of looking nice in my costume.  I feel real good if I obtain my goal.


Thursday, November 22, 2012

LOVE IN THE WORDS OF BOB MARLEY


"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby.

Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”    

                      Bob Marley


Saturday, November 17, 2012

Keeping it Sexy

Eartha Kitt the Queen of Sexy

When the General Petraeus sex scandal hit the news I thought to myself not another story where Americans obsess about a man in power cheating on his wife.  We have a history of paying way too much attention to the sexual indiscretions of our politicians.  Whether it is Bill Clinton's cigar episode, Anthony Weiners shirtless tweets or the General's decision to hump his biographer, a man's decision to step out on his wife has us transfixed.  I tried very hard to avoid the Petraeus story until I saw a photo of his wife, Holly Petraeus.  The focus has been on the women involved in this fiasco; those flirtatious seductive vixens that lured poor Mr. Petraeus into their vaginal webs.  I wouldn't be surprised if later on we find out they were in a well established sex club. Everyone involved is married and they appear to be swapping , there is more to this story.

The moment I saw the General's wife I thought she could be the double for Mrs. Doubtfire, Robin Williams in drag. Others have compared her to George Washington and even Benjamin Franklin.   I am going to lose my NOW card for the following statement but I believe  Mrs. Petraeus did what a woman, married to a powerful man should never do, she gave up the sexy.  This is not to say he would not have cheated on her even if she looked like Helen Mirren.  I take that back no woman should give up her sexy, married or not.

There is a natural sultry vixen within all women. Some of us choose to have her on display 24/7, while others unleash her behind closed doors.  I saw earlier photos of a young Mrs. Petraeus.  She was a young exuberant woman standing beside her husband a West Point graduate and rising star.  We don't ever really know what goes on within a couple's relationship. A woman could decide she will allow her husband to put his dick anywhere he wants to, but that does not mean she should let herself go. For all I know,  Mrs. Petraeus may throw on a wonder woman costume and red thigh high stiletto boots when the sun goes down, so I am assuming  I know a woman should not be judged by her appearance but I think it is healthy to tap into your sexual being.  

I know too many women who for whatever reason give up on their appearance.  They disappear under the dull complexion and drab asexual clothing. That vixen is still in there waiting to be unleashed. Whether we like it or not a woman's sex appeal is one of the most powerful things in the universe. Here are some reasons a woman should never ever ever give up her sexy....

1.  For That Girl In The Mirror. When a woman gazes at her reflection and she is relatively pleased with her appearance you can see it in the way she walks.  It builds a certain confidence that is undeniable and infectious.

2.  For Your Man.  I know that a cheating man will cheat even if he has Halle Berry or Angelina Jolie at home, but what about the brother that doesn't step out.  Men are visual creatures you must keep that allure going to stay out of  a sexual rut. Your man is hard working, takes care of his children, and supports you.  If you look at that reflection and think, damn I am sexy.  He will too.

3.  Your Health.  Keeping your weight under control helps you live longer and stronger.  Combine that with spa treatments and occasional pampering and your mental health will flourish as well. Women take on so many roles that they deprive themselves and get lost in the shuffle.



Tuesday, November 13, 2012

STAY OUT OF MY VAGINA


It has been a week since President Obama got reelected.  This win is much sweeter the second time around.    As a woman I am relieved that President Obama will remain in office. The extremists have lost some serious ground.  I don't know about anyone else, but my vagina smiled last Tuesday.  Here is why she is still purring.

1. The War on Women is real.   Two Republican politicians on their recent campaign trails spouted their ignorant views of "legitimate rape." These same candidates were endorsed by Mitt Romney and he continued to endorse them after their stupid comments.  Rape is a vile hateful act, there is nothing legitimate about it.  Fortunately both candidates, Mourdock of Indiana and Akins of Missouri, loss their bids for public office.

2. The Right to Choose. Abortion is a dreaded decision that a woman makes with a heavy heart, but it should be her choice. The threat to Roe vs Wade was hanging in the balance during this Presidential campaign.  There is a strong possibility President Obama will be appointing at least one new Supreme Court Justice.  So for the next four years a woman's right to choose is safe.

3. Romney's Binders full of Women.  Anyone that would use that description to answer a question about what he would do to remedy inequality of women in the workplace, scares me.  The statistics state that during his administration women holding senior positions, actually declined.

4.  Blunt Amendment.   Romney supports the Blunt Amendment which would allow any employer to opt out of coverage for birth control.  The bill thank goodness was killed on a 51 to 48 vote in the Senate.  The thought that my President would want to restrict what I use to prevent getting pregnant is way to invasive.  Obama's birth control policy allows women to have free access to contraception through their insurance. That includes the pill, IUDs, morning after pill, and implantable contraceptives.  The pill isn't just taken to prevent pregnancy many women take it to regulate their menstrual cycles. That is specifically for health reasons.  But that shouldn't matter, I just want these politicians to stay out of my vagina.







Size Always Matters

Mr Marcus
A new study conducted by the Journal of Sexual Medicine has discovered that penis size does matter; at least when it comes to women who enjoy having vaginal orgasms. I would say that is quite a few women.  Psychologists at the University of Scotland asked 323 women  a series of questions about their sexual encounters. According to the study, women who have frequent vaginal orgasms attribute it to men who have larger penises.  These women claimed longer is better, but I have to throw girth in there.  A long thin penis is like stabbing your coochie with a pencil, in my opinion. Scottish psychologists determined that the average penis size is 5.8 inches. The women in the study said they were more likely to come if a man's penis was larger than average.

Now  this study does not seem like much of a revelation to me.  We can tip toe around it all we want; a man who is well endowed can do some damage, if he knows what he is doing.  Just throwing a big dick at a woman is not enough.  I find that the biggest stimulant when it comes to female orgasms is the brain.  If a man can stimulate a woman's mind and then throw down in the boudoir, there is an absolute chance she will come.  I am not going to lie when a man whips it out for the first time and he casts a healthy shadow, my arousal is on a high alert.

Fear not average and below average men, you can stimulate a woman as well.  Experimenting with new positions and clitoral stimulation is always a good approach.  Above all else foreplay, foreplay, foreplay. In the end it is the size of a man's desire to satisfy his woman that matters.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Holiday Sex


Your man tells you he and the boys are taking a little trip together.  They are probably going to play golf, jet ski and take in the sights.  Innocent enough right? After all you and your girls love your long weekend getaways together.  Good food, music, and the company of your sister friends makes for some wonderful memories.  Now all of a sudden he is pressed to get his U.S. passport. Well before he packs that suitcase and heads for that tropical paradise; where is he really going? Chances are the main objective for some of his boys is to get their dicks wet.  Will your man succumb to peer pressure?  Sex tourism is real.  It probably existed since Columbus sailed the seven seas.

Men with disposable income travel to exotic locals to have sex with beautiful women every single day.  There are countries that cater to their erotic desires.  The women are skilled and can make your man feel like he is Idris Elba sitting on a stack of money.   Prostitution can be found on every corner of the Earth but there is something about a city or country that condones it, that makes it enticing and so inviting for some. Here are a few places where a man is welcomed with open arms to come there and fuck until his hear is content.

Brazil 

When I think of sex tourism, Brazil is the first place that comes to mind. Rio de Janeiro will be hosting the 2016 Summer Olympics.  Rio like my beloved Trinidad loves to party so these Olympic Games are guaranteed to be like no other. People will flock to the South American jewel to witness athletic history, but believe me  there will be a lot of serious screwing going on.   It is no secret that for years Brazil has been a destination for men wanting to sample the beautiful women there that will cater to their sexual desires.  Adult prostitution is legal in Brazil, but not pimpin'. The government actually has a website devoted to prostitution as a career and even goes so far as to describe the courses that are required, for example, safe sex, beauty, and budget planning.

Colombia

The secret service's recent sex scandal involving local  prostitutes had everyone talking about the Colombian "escort" industry. What did we learn?  If you are sent to Cartagena to protect the President don't think you can get away with haggling an escort the next morning for services rendered. Colombia was notorious for that white powder they exported but the sex industry is flourishing there.  Adult prostitution is legal in designated zones but facilitating sex tourism is illegal.

Costa Rica

Costa Rica is known for it's unrivaled ecotourism.  Thousands upon thousands travel there to enjoy the natural riches of this country nestled within Central America.  But it isn't just the beautiful landscape that draws people in; cities like the capital San Jose or the coastal city Jaco, are accustomed to men travelling there for uninhibited sexual escapades.  Adult prostitution is legal in Costa Rica and the sex workers are required to register and get routine medical exams.  But that in no way eliminates the risk of catching a STD. You will always have those workers that don't register at all.

Dominican Republic

An article in the February 2010 issue of  Essence Magazine titled "Fool's Paradise" exposed the sex industry in the Dominican Republic. It went into detail about  the sex excursions taken by some black men fulfilling t of their marital status. I lived for several years in the US Virgin Islands which has a large Dominican population.  Girls were constantly imported in to work at the local strip clubs and presumably as prostitutes.  Many of the men there traveled to D.R. for the weekend to get a taste of the local women and then come back home to their wives and girlfriends.  A man's U.S. dollars can go a long way with a sex worker in D.R.  Some say the Dominican Republic has replaced Brazil when it comes to the sex trade in Latin America.  For the man on a budget this is the perfect place. Prostitution is legal but brothels are not. Word on the street is that the government does not enforce any of the prostitution laws.

Thailand

Thailand  is often called the Sex Tourism capital of the World. Bangkok, Thailand's Red Light District is infamous.  A man can find any kind of sex he wants regardless of the perversion.   Although prostitution is illegal, the government does not seem to enforce the law.  Women and men practice prostitution openly.  Sex is a billion dollar industry that gives a great boost to the economy of Thailand.


Saturday, October 20, 2012

Celibacy Blues


Webster's Dictionary defines celibacy as the abstention from sexual intercourse and the state of not being married.  I grew up in the Catholic church so I always associated celibacy with the vow a priest or a nun takes. We all know that some priests have not been able to make that work. I would bet money that the nuns haven't all been successful either, they are just more discrete.  My understanding is, if one is celibate they not only give up the pleasures of the flesh but they abstain from all sexual activitiy and thoughts as well.  That theory means if you stopped fucking but you still masturbate, you are not celibate. Or if you only watch porn but you don't engage in vaginal penetration you are still not celibate.

Abstaining from sexual intercourse is a huge task to take on. In a society where sexual images and potential partners are ubiquitous; it takes a determination of steel to completely give up fucking. I had no idea who Devon Franklin was prior to viewing his interview to hawk his book, Produced By Faith, on GlobalGrind.com. After hearing him declare that he was celibate for over 10 years I had to find out more about him. Turns out Mr. Franklin is an anomaly, a Hollywood executive and a devout Christian.   Is it possible that an attractive and successful business man can abstain from sex for over ten years in Lala Land? If he truly abstained, his will power is commendable.

I enjoy sex.  I should rephrase that; I enjoy good sex. I have abstained from sexual intercourse with a man at different points in my life.  I never considered myself celibate.  My battery operated toys were always handy. But there were times when I needed to put the dick down.  Sex can confuse you and keep you in situations you do not need to be in.  The commitment to abstain from sex with another person is quite difficult in the beginning and it doesn't get any easier. One of my favorite songs on Jill Scott's album The Real Thing: Volume 3, is Celibacy Blues. That song is the perfect description of what you go through.  So if you decide to take the journey be prepared for the long road ahead. Here is some of the temptation I have found along the way.

The Finest Men

It seems that when you decide hey I am going to give up sex.  The fine ass men appear everywhere. When I see a gorgeous man that makes my heart flutter, naturally I start thinking about things of a sexual nature.


Yuma TnT Carnival 2012
Happy Hour

I like to get my drink on.  A couple glasses of pinot grigio or a cranberry and Malibu at half off and I am feeling nice.  Now put me in a bar setting with some decent looking men and I get that fuzzy feeling inside.  Not a good mix if you are abstaining.

The Radio

Turn your radio on any hip hop or r&b station and you are bombarded with the overt sexual messages that are a part of today's music.  I am listening to Miguel's "Adorn" right now and if that doesn't get your pulse racing, you might be dead. Okay Motivation by Kelly Rowland just came on.  I'm done.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Response to Just Say No to Wife Beaters

In response to "Just Say No to Wife Beaters" (see previous post) I have been informed by the male gender that there are some things they would prefer women not to wear. I in no way want to be bias, so here are their words...


Two Tone Weaves


Multicolored weaves. One color at a time...
They look like they belong on a bird.







Ugg Boots

Especially in the summertime....
Ugg Boot

Long False Eyelashes

It looks like your eyes are about to fall off.

Too Many Accessories

Just too much going on.

Tight Spandex

Tight spandex is a problem when all the lumps and bumps are showing.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Just Say No To Wife Beaters

Black men are the most beautiful men in the world to me. Nothing rivals a brother's swagger. Now I am speaking about grown men, not  teenagers or twenty something year olds with Similac still on their breath.  A mature well groomed black man in age appropriate attire is a vision of loveliness.   He does not have to be Idris Elba or Shemar Moore fine to turn my head.

The summer is behind us, but I live in Florida where there are really no seasons. So fortunately the men are able to flaunt their physiques all year round. I love to see a man in well fitted clothing that compliments his body. With that said, there really are some fashion don'ts I would like to see men put an end to.

Hanes
Wife Beaters

Watching your man walk around the house in a white undershirt and boxers can be a turn on.  But there is something about him throwing on a pair of jeans or shorts and walking out the door in just a white undershirt that seems a bit off. Unless a man has a body like Tyson Beckford and is off to film an underwear ad; it just doesn't work.

Sandals with socks 

I love sandals on men.  Sandals with shorts or casual pants are very sexy.  But, unless you are an AARP card carrying member you shouldn't step off the back porch wearing sandals with socks.


Short Shorts


Grown men can wear shorts.  The question is how short should it be.  Hot pants are not a good look. Unless I am at the beach or at Trinidad Carnival, I prefer to see less leg. According to Artofmanliness.com a man's shorts should hit 2 to 3 inches above the knee.  Effortlessgent.com says between 2" and 1"above and 1" below the kneecap.  That seems about right.



Appropriate for TnT Carnival 2011
J Crew Chinos


Capri Pants

Capri pants are mid-calf pants.  I really dislike capri pants on straight men as much as I hate perfectly trimmed eyebrows.  It screams femininity.

Full Athletic Gear

Wearing a basketball jersey and shorts are cool if you are going to shoot hoops or run to the corner store.  Wearing a complete LA Laker or Knickerbocker outfit on a date seems juvenile even if you are just going to Red Lobster.  When the sun sets the basketball jersey and matching shorts need to be put away.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

The Gay Relationship

 
Robert Brown and Nathanael Gay posted their wedding nuptials on youtube for all the world to see. Of course it has garnered its share of negative comments. We are after all in a somewhat homophobic society. The battle rages on to allow gays the right to marry in every state and above all for the federal government to recognize it.

Last week I met a gay couple that had recently gotten married in New York, where their union is legal. We discussed the civil service ceremony and their small reception, as you would any other wedding. The first thing I noticed about them was how well they complimented one another.  They had been together for three years prior to marrying and it just seemed right.  I fully support the right for homosexuals to marry.  I have more of an issue with how lightly people take the institution of marriage.  Straight people make a mockery of marriage every single day. If two consenting adults of the same gender want the right to make their union legal, who am I to judge.

What struck me most about the newlyweds was how comfortable and nonchalant they were about their marriage.  It was not a political statement or a stand against the right.  They simply wanted to make a life together.  You cannot get more real than that.  Some view homosexuality as an abomination against mankind.  Two men or two women laying together does not keep me up at night.  I don't care who is fucking who when consenting adults are involved.  We are on this planet for a short time.  If you are lucky enough to find love and happiness in the arms of another, their gender, race or religion should not matter.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Natural Hair and Beauty Expo


Last weekend I attended the Natural Hair and Beauty Expo at the the Double Tree Hilton in Orlando, FL.  It  was my first time attending, but hopefully wont' be the last. The room at the hotel was filled with sisters proudly wearing their hair in its natural state.  The black entrepreneurs hawking hair and beauty products, that you won't t find on the shelves of CVS or Target, were inspiring. Unequivocally I am a beauty product junkie. My new addiction is a Lemongrass Leave in Conditioner by Alikay Naturals which, I picked up a their booth at the expo.

Black women are unique in the fact that wearing our hair in the texture we were born with is considered making a statement. Changing our hair texture is fully embraced but choosing not to is still frowned upon in many circles.  If a white or Asian woman decides she does not want to alter her hair with a chemical or weave no one blinks an eye.  My natural hair journey started in 1996 when I decided to give up the perm forever.  After years of scalp burns, breakage and emptying my bank account, I realized I needed a drastic change. I didn't do the big chop, I opted for growing it out with braids.  Not the best idea because months and months of braiding can weaken your hairline. By 2002 I began the process of locking my hair.   I am not a member of the natural hair police.  I don't put people on blast for straightening their hair, just because I decided to stop.  I believe you should wear your hair as you choose.  But, I don't regret going natural, it has freed me in many ways.  Five reasons I am so happy to be nappy.

5.  The Public Reaction, mainly the men.  I am not saying you meet a better caliber of men; just that their approach is different.  The conversation many times starts with how long have you been wearing your hair like that, followed by a series of compliments.   You meet women as well, who engage in an effortless conversation about their own natural hair journey, or how they are considering it.

4. Water is no longer the enemy.  I am not afraid to get my hair wet.  My locs cannot turn back, because guess what, it is already back.  That means I can walk outside in the rain and not panic because I don't have an umbrella.  If I want to get it wet at the beach, it is not a catastrophe.  

3.  My bank account loves it.  My pockets are heavier.  All that money I spent on bi-weekly hair salon appointments or purchasing human hair for braids can now be used for other things. I just have to keep my love for experimenting with new hair products under control.

2.  Sweating is good.  I have no problem sweating my hair out.  So now I work out without waiting until right before my next hair appointment.  I can now get my exercise several  times a week.  It is a plus when it comes to sex as well.  I am not laying there wondering if I am going to sweat out the hairdo I got earlier.  I can focus on the task with total concentration.  Another positive, getting my hair pulled is a turn on.

1.  My self esteem has improved.  My self worth is not wrapped up in whether or not I have good or bad hair. I still cringe when I think about those mornings sitting in the kitchen, waiting in fear for that hot comb to singe the top of my ears.  Memories of  the eighties and one of the most atrocious styles to come out of that era, the jehri curl are not good ones.  Pouring sticky gook on my hair to get that "soft texture" was an all time low for me.  Today I have learned to love the texture of my kinky hair and not care who likes or dislikes it.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Love on the Rebound



So Rihanna and Chris Brown may be back together again after all. The focus for the next days will definitely be about  how a young woman could get back into a relationship with a man who physically assaulted her.  Domestic Violence is a serious issue.  The victims bear inner scars long after the outer scars heal. But my first thought when I read of the R&B couple reuniting was about the young lady who thought she was in a relationship with Brown. Was it wise for her to start dating a man who beat his last woman and, above all else, never got his ex out of his system.

Rebound is not so much the length of time that has passed since the previous relationship ended; but if you have gotten over that ex.  A person who knowingly gets involved with someone on the rebound has to be ready for the floor to fall from beneath them at anytime.  Unless you met and married your high school sweetheart chances are you were in a relationship with someone on the rebound.  Can you really get over an ex you were deeply in love with? Can you get pass the pain if things ended abruptly?  You have to ask these questions before you jump into a rebound relationship. Finally, do you really want to be that rebound chick or rebound guy?

Monday, October 1, 2012

WORDS TO LIVE BY

Being in a relationship is hard.  Opening yourself up to another person exposes all your vulnerabilities. We each bring our own individual baggage into our relationships. Some of us bring a small overnight bag and others a five piece luggage set.  But, it is not so much how you enter a relationship but what you do while you are in it.  It is best to just take a deep breath and reevaluate your approach.  Here is some inspiration I picked up along the way.

Remember not getting what you want is sometimes a stoke of luck

The best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other

If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it

Make peace with your past, so it won't screw up the present

You don't have to win every argument




Friday, September 28, 2012

THE BLACKER THE BERRY?

The Blacker the Berry was a controversial novel written by Wallace Thurman in 1929 during the Harlem Renaissance period.  It explores colorism within the black community during a period when the light skinned vs. dark skinned dilemma was in full effect. The phrase blacker the berry has several meanings.  It can be used as a sexually exploitative way to depict a black woman's vagina and the pleasure it can bring.  Or, it is a pro-black mantra celebrating the beauty of being black.  Tupac describes the latter best in Keep Your Head Up: "some say the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice, I say the darker the flesh then the deeper the roots".

It all brings me to the timeless musician, vocalist, and prolific song writer, Nina Simone.  Her music is dark, rich and complex as her life ever was. The story of this legendary singer should be told.  A debate rages on about the biopic, yet to be filmed, starring Zoe Saldana as Nina Simone. Some say she is way too light skinned to play Nina Simone.  I have more of a problem with the fictional direction of the film than the casting of a caramel complexioned Latina.  Originally, Mary J. Blige was slated to play Simone and I had issues with her acting chops. A biopic requires a stellar performance by the lead. Some reasons I think Saldana should play Nina Simone.

1.  Malcolm X.

Denzel played Malcolm X with such brilliance and skill that it was ignored that Malcolm X was a lighter skinned redhead.

2.  Reverse colorism.

Historically there has been more value placed on lighter skinned women over sisters with a dark complexion. But, is denying a woman a role because she is deemed too light a solution?

3.  Zoe Saldana is a good actress.

I loved her in Colombiana which I specifically chose to see over the movie, The Help. A woman of color kicking ass as opposed to cleaning up after one, seemed like a better choice for me.  I was actually able to buy into the fact that a woman who looks like she might be too small to wear a size 2 could annihilate a slew of grown men.

4. Colorism is a cancer in the black community that has never gone into remission. We come in all shades and colors and that should be celebrated equally.




Saturday, September 22, 2012

Revenge is a Bitch

Revenge is defined as the action of inflicting hurt or harm on someone for a wrong suffered at their hands.  I also see it as an inability to forgive and move on.  I can understand completely why a person would want to see someone suffer for doing them dirty. It is a natural reaction to want retribution for the pain inflicted upon you. How far you are willing to take it, is another issue.  The path to revenge is toxic and it can consume you.

"You Are My Soulmate Forever!"
One of the revenge stories to grab my attention was that of YaVaughnie Wilkins. She was the mistress of  Charles Philips, the former president of  the software company, Oracle and a senior member of President Obama's Economic Recovery Advisory Board.  The brother has quite an impressive resume.  Ms. Wilkins had been in an eight year relationship with a successful married man and in early 2010 after it went sour she placed a billboard on West 52nd Street near Times Square titled "Your are my soul mate".  Apparently that was a phrase he professed to her.  I am not in advertising, but I know that billboard in Manhattan carried a steep price. She posted additional billboards in Atlanta and San Francisco each linking it to her website.

The website revealed intimate moments between her and the executive. They had quite a history together despite his wife and kids. Vacations to China and Sydney, trips on a yacht, love notes,etc., were all put on display to embarrass him. She did everything short of releasing an infamous sex tape.  Did he make promises he wouldn't keep?  Was she delusional from the jump? Who knows.

September 2010 Charles Philips resigns from his position at Oracle, but don't cry for him he is currently the CEO of a software provider in New York.  Ms. Wilkins now has a documentary about the long affair scheduled to screen at the Harlem Festival. She is also suing the director of the film who she claims is in dealings with Philips who wants to purchase the documentary.  Charles Philips who was in divorce proceedings in 2008 has reconciled with his wife.

Is YaVaughnie Wilkins getting revenge at this point or is she punishing herself?  The emotional energy and financial resources she has committed are ridiculous. In the beginning revenge seems victorious but the sweet feeling fades.  At some point you have to stop dwelling on past relationships, bury them, and move forward.

Friday, September 21, 2012

The Dream of Sexual Equality


A few years ago I picked up the novel Sexual Healing by Jill Nelson.   Two black women n their 40s decide they are going to secretly open a brothel spa strictly for black women, to indulge in all their carnal pleasures.  The idea comes to them as they fantasize about the perfect man and lament about their relationships.  One is in a relationship with a two-minute brother and the other has had a series of bad luck with men. It is hilarious when these two unlikely pimps start auditioning and interviewing the men to work at the brothel.  The employment application alone is worth a read.  A conservative preacher discovers their new business and tries to shut them down.

In the real world we know men have many avenues to satisfy their sexual urges. Brothels, massage parlors, and strip clubs can be found all across the country. (Where I live, they have 24 hour strip clubs.) I can't  forget to mention those trips to the Dominican Republic, Thailand and Brazil, but that's another story. I don't know if a brothel for women actually exists.  I am pretty sure there isn't one that caters to black women allowing them to pay for uninhibited toe-curling sex. Imagine if a woman dares to admit that she doesn't want to have a relationship with a man, she only wants to fuck.  In our society if a woman has a healthy sexual appetite she risks the possibility of being labeled a "ho" or a "slut".

I had a discussion with a young man about a very attractive woman in her thirties who had been known for dating several men over the years.  If a relationship did not work out she was on to the next with a quickness.  Well he slipped up and called her a "ho".  I was offended. "So just because she has decided she is not going limit herself to one man she is a ho"? I asked.  He got defensive. "She has been with way too many men", he insisted.  "What is too many, ten, twenty, thirty"? The conversation got heated and neither of us would budge.


We have come a long way from the Victorian era when a woman was expected to only have sex with one man, her husband.  A man on the other hand could fornicate with whomever he wanted to and he was just being that, a man. The struggle for women's equality is far from over.  Women are taking charge of their sexuality and making no excuses for it. The days of letting society dictate what we do in the bedroom, or any other room, is behind us.  We are in control of our bodies and have the right to enjoy our sex lives as we see fit. But as long as words like slut, ho, and skank are used to describe a sexually liberated woman we have quite a way to go.


Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Words To Live By

I am a a self professed internet junkie.  I love surfing the web.  I especially love those inspirational sites that  teach you some invaluable lessons and lead you on a positive path.  Here are some of my current favorites.

  • Choose your life mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per cent of all your happiness or misery.
  • Accept that you won't be attractive to everyone.
  • Give people a second chance, but not a third.
  • Date someone out of your league.
  • Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.



Sunday, September 16, 2012

Friends Without Benefits

Men and women can be friends without a sexual relationship.  Platonic relationships do exist but there are times when men may object to the direction the woman is taking it.  I got some feedback from some intelligent brothers who believe women, at times, step over their boundaries when it comes to friends without benefits.

TOP FIVE THINGS A WOMAN SHOULD NOT EXPECT FROM A FRIEND WITHOUT BENEFITS.
  1. Don't expect to be coddled, you will get the raw truth. 
  2. Don't expect me to pay your way.  Ladies we should not assume that just because he is a man he will always pick up the check.  Yes he is a man, but not your man.
  3. Don't expect me not to holla at females.  You and he may have walked in the bar or club together but he will step to other women.  Do not give him shade for not paying attention to you all night.
  4. He won't always be able to return your phone call right away.  In other words unless it is an emergency, it can wait.
  5. Don't feel threatened by the women he is romantically linked to.  You and he are not a couple don't be rude to the women he dates. 










Sunday, September 9, 2012

B.O.B

Mr. Marcus 9 at Xandria.com
THE BLACK LUST EDITION.

Ladies, B.O.B, Battery Operated Boyfriend, as Raheem Devaughn so delicately put it to music, should be in every woman's collection.  We are all sexual beings and suppressing our desires and urges is unnatural. Recently I attended a Passion Party for a fun and wicked educational night with some girlfriends.   Some of the ladies like myself, already had indulged in the pleasures of sex toys while others were straight up B.O.B virgins.  We had a blast, while tipsy of course, discussing all the possibilities these treasures could offer.

I could remember the first time I bravely walked into a sex shop.  I was alone and in my early twenties window shopping in the West Village.  I had passed that sex shop countless times, but that day I got the nerve to walk in.  This was pre-online shopping days, so I am showing my age.  It was overwhelming and I was amazed at the number of things people can use to get themselves and their partners off.  The swings, harnesses, whips, fuzzy handcuffs, etc.. had my head spinning.  I walked out with my first vibrator, a rabbit, and a set of naughty dice.  Twenty years later a woman can discretely go online to a website, peruse the catalog and make a purchase which arrives in a nondescript package in her mailbox.

Sex toys are a healthy way for a woman to explore her sexuality and explore what makes her kitty feel good.  Masturbation for too long has been a taboo subject, especially among black women. Blacks are exceptionally conservative as a group and as women; well we are caught up in the Madonna/whore syndrome.  Some of us think you can't be a good christian or member of society if you indulge in the pleasures of the flesh.  That is doing yourself an injustice.  I am not supporting deviant behavior but natural sexual exploration involving consenting adults.  A sex toy can truly help the relationship you are in. Think of all the possibilities involved in learning about each others bodies.  Our careers, family obligations and the day to day bull shit can take a toll on us allowing our sex lives to get monotonous. Trying out new gadgets, positions, and interesting places to get busy can enhance a relationship.  So gather some girlfriends throw a passion party for a fun night together.  You are never to old to learn.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

The last hazy days of summer are behind us and this is the last weekend to catch a summer flick at the theather.  I have to admit Magic Mike and Madagascar 3 were the only films I saw this summer. Kind of a weird combination, I know.  I am longing for a sultry, sexy Black romantic film. So I began reminiscing about those movies of the past that exemplified the beauty and complexity of love between a Black man and woman.  Here are a few.

Love Jones.  When Nina and Darius finally get together the screen was on fire. But when Darius uttered those words, "fuck your man I ain't worried about him."  I melted.


Brother to the Night (A Blues for Nina)


Mahogany. Before there was Denzel or Idris Elba,  Billy Dee Williams was the chocolate sex symbol that made all the women swoon.  His movies with the ultimate diva, Diana Ross are classic black films that captured the hearts of many black girls who had not seen the likes of that brown chemistry before.  Mahogany and Lady Sings the Blues, the Billie Holiday, biopic, were sexy, dark and unforgettable. Mahogany had some over the top scenes but when Billy Dee and Diana Ross shared the screen the moments were timeless. The young politician and the fashion designer/model were a sensual dynamic duo. Those words Billy Dee uttered still ring true, "success is nothing without someone you love to share it with!



Mahogany 1975

Claudine.  A garbage man and a maid who is trying to raise her six children meet and fall in love.  Sounds cliche or possibly exploitative, but Diahann Carroll and James Earl Jones' performances squash all that.  Finding love in the concrete jungle of Harlem can be a struggle but when you discover it, it is definitely worth while. 






Thursday, August 30, 2012

The List

 Yesterday I had a conversation with a recently divorced woman who was now getting back in the dating game.  She joined a dating site in the hopes of meeting an attractive professional man.  She asked me if I thought she should expand her selection to men she normally was not attracted to.  I told her I thought that would be a mistake. "Stay in your lane, and do not deviate".  Is that shallow?  No.  I truly believe when you reach a certain age and you are prepared to enter into a serious adult relationship, you should not deviate.  This morning she informed me she was meeting with someone she connected with online last night. They talked for hours.  For now he has many of the qualities she likes which scares her because he seems to good to be true.  Let's cross our fingers and hope it works out.

Years ago when my sister had lamented that she was tired of dating and wanted to find the "right one" for her, I convinced her to create a list of all the qualities she wanted in this man.  The list comprised of what she wanted; physically, emotionally and economically.  I made a list myself.  Several years later and She is engaged and preparing to marry the love of her life.  Did he have all the qualities she wanted? No, but he fulfilled the important ones.  She is physically attracted to him, they enjoy doing things together, and he treats her well.  What more can you ask for.  In my case I am still searching.  I think my list below is realistic:

Actor Don Franklin.  Damn he is F.I.N.E
Physical

1.  In Good Health.
2.   Handsome face.  Features that together create a look that is easy on the eyes.
3.  Height: 5’ 8” -- 6” 0”. 
4.  Race: Preferably black
5.  Good hygiene.  Smells, tastes, and looks good.
6.  Medium to large build ( not obese) 
7.  Penis:  average to large
8. Goatee.  Well groomed, facial hair is a plus.  But it is not a must just a preference. But damn every man looks better with a goatee.
9.  Hair (would be nice)well groomed and conservative.  A bald head is okay.
10.Nice teeth.

 
Personality

1.      Easy going personality.  Quiet person who does not act up or show himself in public.
2.      Not a cheap person.  Generous and not stingy
3.      Open minded and willing to try new things
4.      Good sense of humor. I enjoy a witty individual who has a keen eye for something funny.
5.      Good natured and not vindictive.
6.      Mature person
7.      Humble and modest.
8.      Willing to be there for me. Have my back.


Essentials

1.      Willing to satisfy me sexually.
2.      Not in any possible way homosexual or bisexual or even remotely interested in being in that situation.
3.      Must be willing to travel
4.      Respectful of women and not violent or verbally abusive.
5.      Is employed and possesses an adequate education.
6.      Loves sports but is not obsessive. 
7.      Above all else, mentally sane, spiritual and god fearing.
8.   INTELLIGENT

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Five Timeless Black Couples




Ozzie Davis and Ruby Dee are the quintisential Black couple.  They met while peforming on Broadway in the play Jeb.  They were award winning artists, activists and a  symbol of longevity. "Their marriage lasted until Ozzie's death in 2005.

A meeting at a Harlem Baptist Church in 1964 would create a divine musical match that gave the world such classics as "Aint No Mountain High Enough" and "I Am Every Woman".  " Their enduring love of music and each other led to a union that could only be undone by Nick Ashford's death in 2011.  The music is a testament to their love and will always live on.



Will and Jada

The Hollywood power couple that met on the set of the Fresh Prince are the epitome of glamour and success.  He is a box office powerhouse and she a renaissance woman that compliments him perfectly.  Recent rumors of their separation haven't been proven but their timeless passion is undeniable.


Nelson and Winnie Mandela
Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison in South Africa for his opposition to the cruel injustice of apartheid.  Who stood by his side throughout it all, Winnie Mandela.  She the strong unbending woman never gave up the fight to see her husband released. Their divorce was one of the few break-ups that surprised me.  Yet nothing can outshine the significant political changes they made that changed the world forever.
 
Barrack and Michelle Obama
The ultimate couple.  They changed the world with the historical presidential win but what they represent as a black couple is astronomical.  They rebut and dispute every myth about a relationship between a black man and a black woman.  


Thursday, August 16, 2012

Five Myths About Black Love

Black Love has taken quite a beating in the media these past couple years. We are bombarded with all the statistics especially those targeting black women.  70% of black women are single, interracial dating is on the rise, it goes on and on.  Here are some myths about Black Love floating around that hold no merit.

1.   Black men fear marriage.  Not true.  Black men don't fear marriage they fear not being able to provide for a family.  If a man is secure with his financial situation, he starts to think about settling down with a mate and starting his own family. His manhood demands it.  The economy sucks right now and many brothers are struggling with not being able to provide as they see fit.

2.   Black women are too independent to want or even keep a man.  Yes black women are strong-willed and self-efficient but we have no problem with our man taking charge.  There is nothing more desirable than a self assured brother that has your back and  can hold things down. Most sisters yearn for that.

3. If a Black professional woman wants to marry she should consider going outside her race.  The absolute wrong reason to get involved in an interracial relationship is just so you can have a warm body beside you. There are eligible black men who are willing to commit.  Where to find them is the challenge, but it is well worth the leg work.

4.  A Black man cannot commit to just one woman.  Infidelity is part of our society as a whole.  Men cheat on their wives and women cheat on their significant others as well.  The black man is seen as a sex-craved being whose goal is to fuck as many women as he can. While some of our men are driven by their dicks, not all.  There are brothers out their that are willing to forsake all others for their woman.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Why a good father may keep a girl single.

When we analyze how a father affects his daughter’s relationships with men we tend to focus on the negative aspect; the absentee dad or the abusive father figure. It has been determined that how a little girl views her daddy has an impact on all her future romantic dealings with the opposite sex.  If a young lady is eager to please a man at all cost or she gravitates to older domineering men, we blame it on daddy not being there.  A woman caught in a vicious cycle of abusive relationships is assumed to have witnessed her father physically and mentally abusing her mother.  The theories can go on forever.
What of the girl who had a good father; the type of father that was nurturing, protective, and loving. There are some incredible Black fathers out there.   If your daddy put you on a pedestal, did he ruin you for all others?   I sometimes wonder if my expectations of a man are intertwined with the fact that I had a good father.  I have a tendency of getting myself out of a relationship the moment I feel a man is not up to par.  The single life has embraced me for most of my adult life.  A man does something that I find questionable and I bail.  You shouldn’t have to lower your standards when choosing a mate, but you have to be realistic.  My coming to terms with that is a work in progress.  I am thankful though  that daddy was and is still there for me when I need him.     Hopefully someday I will find a mate who I will let be there for me as well.


Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The Kiss


I have been single more often than I have been in a relationship.  It is a combination of luck, not opening myself to new experiences and just not meeting the right person.  Now with my track record you would think I would give up on love, but I haven't.  Yes, there are those days when I think that  I may never find the perfect man.  Not a perfect man, but the perfect one for me.   I try to be open minded and not limit myself but I love the brothers.  There is nothing more satisfying to me than to see a black man and black woman in love and holding it down.  It gives me hope.  No one exemplifies that more for me than our President and the First Lady.  Barack and Michelle are powerful figures that have paved a path like no other.  I am still bathing in the glory of the President's astronomically historical win in 2008.  Contrary to Morgan Freeman's recent statement about President Obama being the first mixed President, he is straight up a 100% black man to me.  What I admire the most about President Obama was his choice of a mate.  It says a great deal about him.  Our First Lady is a strong intelligent vocal woman who is not afraid to tell you like it is.  It takes a strong man to say I want you by my side, not behind me or in a corner somewhere.

So it warmed my heart to see Mr. President plant one on his beautiful First Lady.  Rightfully they were hesitant at first when the awkward kiss cam focused on them during that basketball game.  They recovered quite nicely and showed the world that Black Love truly exists and will continue to persist.  You just know there is some good brown loving going down within the walls of the White House.