Showing posts from 2013


For Those Cold Wintry Nights.

Tarrus Riley , To The Limit.


The world has loss a fearless leader but we must celebrate his life in its entirety.  The rebel, scholar, statesman and symbol of freedom is no longer with us in body, but his spirit and teachings will prevail.  He led by example through his resilience and fearless fight for equality .  It has been many years since I read the Autobiography of Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom." I intend to revisit the story of this remarkable man.  I remember the hope I felt when I when he was released from Robins Island; walking hand in hand with his determined wife, Winnie. Those years of boycotting certain companies that refused to stop doing business with the apartheid regime in South Africa had finally paid off.  Madiba was free and all was right with the world at that moment as he took those first steps of freedom.  He spent 30 years in prison but was awarded with a long life. Longevity served its purpose and the great warrior for equality and freedom is now at peace.

Paul Walker

I know I started this blog to talk about black love but love really shouldn't be limited by race, gender, culture, or religion.  Love is just love.  I have been a fan of Paul Walker since I saw the first Fast and the Furious film over 12 years ago.  He was always that perfect surfer boy type that was so easy on the eyes.  I am saddened by his death but he will live on through his work.  We really have to do more than just survive, we must live; life is way to precious.


I am a huge music fan who strongly believes that  life requires a soundtrack.  My era was the late 80's throughout the 90's but I am constantly looking for new music.  I crave music that nourishes the soul and fits my every mood.  If you listen to the radio you can't miss hearing Drake, Rihanna or Two Chainz.  That is cool, but I am always searching for grown folks music.  One of my favorite music sites is where I get to hear musical artists that unfortunately don't get much radio play. I am so thankful I found these  following musical artists. They are going to be part of my soundtrack today as I give thanks for all the blessings I have.  Nothing expresses BlackLove like pure soulful music.

This one stays on repeat.
Love her smooth eclectic sound.
Daley's voice always amazes. Foreign Exchange can do no wrong.


It is very rare these days that I go to see a film that isn't G rated.  Since I became a mommy I can hardly find the time to see a grown-up movie; although I do make the time to see Denzel's flicks. 2 Guns was the last film I saw that did not involve talking animals.  In 1999 Best Man came on the scene before we got bombarded with the Tyler Perryesque movies.  It was funny, scandalous, and filled to the brim with fineness. Back then, (not that things improved much) it was not often that you saw black love on the big screen. The sequel is long overdue and I anticipate seeing how the characters develop.  With all that said, Morris Chestnut belongs on that big screen. He is truly like a fine wine and proves that men over 40 are ultra sexy. The film opens on Friday, November 15th, 2013.


Before there was Air Jordan or King James, Dr. J ruled B-Ball.  Julius Erving was the smooth ultra-cool NBA small forward with a wicked dunking ability.  Now the elder statesman of the game is about to drop a tell all book. The following is an excerpt in reference to a sports journalist he conceived his 32 year old daughter with:

"She becomes someone who helps me unwind if I'm feeling high-strung or stressed. I can drive over and spend a relaxing evening that might even include oral sex," Erving writes. "I can only remember one time that we actually intercourse and that was because she had just gotten this new orthodontia to straighten her teeth. With wire and gleaming metal bristling in her mouth, oral sex was not an option." 

Now I see why former NBA player Doug Christie's wife had a no contact with female journalists in the locker room rule. Dr. J. was married at the time and I guess everyone involved chose to keep the affair and the baby under wraps.  S…

Players in the Pulpit

I am not a religious individual and  I just don't feel the need to attend Sunday sermons every week. I am definitely not opposed to religion or those that bathe themselves in it. I was deeply rooted in Catholicism as a child and it lasted until I decided to take my own spiritual path and limit my contact with organized religion. Now organized religion still intrigues me but I prefer to be on the outside looking in.

Recently Louisiana Pastor Ronald J. Harris Sr. was shot and killed in the pulpit in front of his congregation. When the story first broke it seemed like a deranged man ran into the church and killed this God-fearing man.  When his daughter presented herself to the media it appeared to me that she was doing damage control.  I knew what would happen next; the sex scandal would follow.  Then like clockwork the rumors of the pious pastor and the gunman's wife, being caught up in sexual relationship, began to circulate.  Everyone in that church who witnessed the murder …

Natural Hair & Beauty Expo: Orlando, Florida

I made it to my second year at the 4th Annual Natural Hair & Beauty Expo in Orlando, Florida.
The event moved to a much bigger venue, The Orlando Convention Center.  There were seminars about hair, beauty, and self awareness, throughout the day.   There were over 50 booths selling art, natural hair, beauty and health products. The vendors were from all over Florida and if my pockets were deeper I would have grabbed a few more items.  I did gather their business cards and will support more of them in the near future.

I grabbed the Roots Trees and Flowers Tea Soap.  It has Jamaica Castor Oil and Burdock Root. The Dread Head Mane Puddin has a great aroma and does not leave any residue.  I have been using it to moisturize my hair and retwist my locs.

Rebirth is a great daily moisturizer, that is not greasy.  It is available at  I tested out several of their products and they have a great line.

Nappturally Chic Jere gave a great seminar on the L.O.C. Method.  Liquid, Oil, …

Zane's Addicted to Hit the Big Screen.

With all the talk about the erotic novel, Fifty Shades of Grey, being made into a movie, we cannot forget the erotic novel "Addicted" published in 1998. "Addicted" was the raw and emotional story of a black professional woman with a voracious sexual appetite.  I have no plan on reading Fifty Shades but definitely plan on reacquainting myself with Addicted.  Check out Shadow and Act for all the details.

Release Dates Set For 'Addicted' (2014) And 'Wedding Ringer' (2015) | Shadow and Act

What Is A Penile Fracture? | BlackDoctor | Page 2

I never knew that a penis could actual break. I found it out on an informative health promoting site,  You learn something new every day.

What Is A Penile Fracture? | BlackDoctor | Page 2

All the Good Ones are Taken.

A couple weeks ago I caught the fabulous soul singer extraordinaire, Chaka Khan on the Wendy Williams show.  If you haven't seen Ms. Khan recently, she looks fabulous.  She dropped a ton of weight and is embracing the fountain of youth.  Wendy, the gossip queen she is, questioned the diva on her love life. Chaka declared her single status with the following words, "All the good one's are taken."  It got me thinking about how profound a statement that is for a successful mature black woman who for all else purposes, has it going on to make.  I have felt that way for a long time as I have traveled precariously throughout the single world. So what does a single black woman over thirty do if all the "good brothers" are truly taken.

1.  Explore the possibilities and date outside the race.  This is harder than it sounds. If you crave a strong chocolate black man no vanilla or cream man will suffice.  Dating outside of the race does not only mean white, you have …

A Must see film, HALF OF A YELLOW SUN Trailer | Festival 2013

Trayvon Martin, The Love of A Son.

The love one has for his or her own child is the purest and most unconditional love you will ever find.  Losing a child is unimaginable and will cause a lifetime of pain.  You can never fathom burying your own child; nor do you want to.  Your hope for them is that they enjoy a long and productive life of contentment. So when your child is killed by an ignorant and senseless act before their life can start, it can eat away at your very soul. I feel for Trayvon Martin's parents. They will not see him graduate, marry, or have his own children.  The kind of emotional pain inflicted on them will never ever be healed.  They just have to keep on and not let Trayvon's death be in vain.

I expected the not guilty verdict. Black boys have always been expendable in America from the times of slavery until today.  In New York I lived through the Yusuf Hawkins and Michael Griffith killings.  White people do not want their own locked up for killing a black boy, regardless of the circumstance…

Holiday Sex Part II

Recently I learned that prostitution is legal on the Dutch Caribbean Island, St. Maarten. The little Caribbean jewel was caught up in a salacious scandal involving accusations that the Minister of Justice was running a brothel. It is no surprise that the oldest profession has created a tourism industry that brings some well needed cash flow to some smaller economic nations. The question is, at what price?
I have mixed feelings about the institution of selling sex. Julia Robert's Pretty Woman character is not the norm.  I do feel that it is a consenting adult's prerogative to sell his or her ass for some cash; but the reality of prostitution is the brutal exploitation of young men, women and children by depraved pimps.  Sex trafficking is a vicious system that rivals only the Middle Passage.  Like any other despicable act, you will always find those who are willing to go above and beyond to support it.
We are in a world where people are going to continue to travel to fuck.   Here…

The Reality of STDs

The recent DUI arrest of the black porn actor Mr. Marcus, made me think about the syphilis outbreak he started in the porn world last year. The controversy erupted when he altered a positive syphilis test so he could continue working. The adult film industry notoriously prefers there actors perform without condoms, so  it is no surprise that his indiscretion caused an epidemic on the set. Mr. Marcus claimed he thought it was okay because his doctor told him he would not be contagious after taking a penicillin shot for at least 10 days.  Seems like a lame excuse and dangerous lie so that he could selfishly keep working.

When it comes to contracting a sexually transmitted disease, ignorance is not bliss.  There are highly contagious STDs  that are prevalent in the black community that we cannot ignore. Do not think for one second "it can't happen to me". We must be vigilant and take the precautions to keep our sexual health in order such as; knowing…

5 Deal Breakers

When I meet a new potential love interest I start imagining what the future would be like with this individual in my life.  I am not going as far as walking down the aisle but more like questioning our compatibility.  Will I be able to have a conversation with him without  thoughts of eating a sandwich or taking a nap to distract me? Will I enjoy rolling in the sheets with him?  Are my friends and family going to think he is weird? Shit, am I going to think he is weird? Dating someone new can be filled with nervous hesitation but at the same time rejuvenating anticipation. It is refreshing when you meet someone and there is a mutual attraction.  Naturally you decide to get together in order to learn a little more about each other before jumping off the bridge holding hands.  I am old school and do not believe in developing a relationship through texting, instant messaging, or Skype.   I need face to face contact as soon as possible.  There are times I think I am shallow, maybe I shou…

What I Learned from a Gay Man.

The minute I read that an active NBA player was coming out the closet, I thought my eyes deceived me.  No way did a professional athlete in a widely popular sport have the nerve to out themselves while they were still playing. I am a fan of the NBA, but I had no idea who Jason Collins was. He can be commended for opening a dialogue that is so necessary. I am sure he is relieved that he doesn't have to live a lie. An athlete being gay does not bother me at all.  But what stood out for me was that this brother was on the down low.  His ex-fiancee gave him 8 years of her life.

Black men hiding their sexuality in the closet is nothing new. I read J.L. King's "On the Down Low, A Journey into the Lives of Black Men Who Sleep With Men", from front to back without blinking an eye.  It got passed around so much among my female friends, that I have no idea who has it in their possession today.  Prior to the book's release in 2005, the down low issue within the black commu…

Saying Goodbye to Love

“It is so hard to leave — until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.”
John GreenPaper Towns
After a long search, you finally met someone worth spending time with. The two of your lives are now intertwined and it feels comfortable.  Comfortable like that old college sweatshirt with the holes that you can't seem to throw away. Days, weeks and months go by. You haven't moved in together yet but you spend every weekend at his house.  Yes the brother has his own home and a good j.o.b.

Then one day you look across the dinner table at that person and decide this is not fulfilling me. An important piece is missing but you don't want to face it.  You remain silent and play with your food as he checks his phone for messages.  "I should be happy."  He is smart, employed and most of all reliable.  Those other men before him were flaky, self-absorbed, and easily distracted. Now you have a man who is available to …

Sexual Compatibility

Many years ago when I was a naive young woman living in the NYC I met a man who would have had no problem winning first prize in a Steve Urkel lookalike contest.  Our conversation took a strange turn when he informed me that he and his wife were swingers. I wasn't sure what that was, until he enlightened me.  After showing me a photo of his wife, definitely a cheerleader type, he proceeded to school me on what went on at these social events. I found out tidbits like a woman could enter solo but a man could not. You could be in a room in the middle of a menage a trois and your significant other was in another corner of the same room performing oral on a complete stranger.

By the end of our conversation my head was spinning.  He did not recruit me but he made me realize compatibility went way beyond looks. My mind wandered back to that conversation when I read the recent story about Will and Jada Smith having an open marriage.  There had been rumors circulating for years about the H…


"Put molly all in the champagne, she aint even know it
I took her home and enjoy that, she aint even know it."  

Those are the lyrics spouted by the former correctional officer, Rick Ross, on some guy name Rocko's song.  I gave up on Hip Hop quite some time ago.  I grew up on the sounds of Run D MC, Slick Rick, and Big Daddy Kane etc.  After the death of Biggie the music slowly began to lose my attention.  Every now and then I hear a song I like but, with the exception of Drake, I don't pay much attention to the lyrics.  Rick Ross is that guy I wish would keep his shirt on when I am watching award shows. He is not on my musical radar.

Well Mr. Ross has come under fire for those damning lyrics. There are those challenging his sponsors and the radio airwaves.  I heard on the Breakfast Club morning show in New York that he actually said I didn't say the word rape in his response.  You do not have to say the word rape to convey the message.  Rape is not just a woman s…

I Am Not Feeling it Anymore....

The Black Blogosphere was buzzing with the announcement that Regina King and Malcolm Jamal Warner had entered splitsville. Celebrity couples, break up all the time; so it is no big deal. What got my attention was the theme of the break-up. It was alleged that after a two-year relationship Malcolm admitted, "He wasn't feeling it anymore." It is no one's business, but if you were an 80's child like me, their pairing was cool for nostalgic reasons.  Theo Huxtable and Brenda Jenkins caught up in a love thing. Rumors have a way of spreading their wings and soaring within the blog world. Via twitter Ms. King has responded, "You shouldn't believe everything you read."
Putting the rumor aside, it can be devastating when you invested your  time and your heart into a relationship only to be told, "I'm not feeling you anymore."   I had a friend that was engaged . I'll call her Sonia.  Sonia and her fiance had been living  together for four y…

Five Things I Hope Men Never Stop Doing.

I love being in the company of men.  I know they are far from perfect, but so am I.  There are things a man can do for you that makes your knees buckle, but there are also those simple things that just put a smile on your face. There are at least five things I hope men never ever stop doing.

1.  Playing chef in the kitchen.  I don't care if it is Aunt Jemima pancakes or a box of macaroni and cheese; I appreciate when my man makes me a meal.  He does not have to be a culinary genius but just considerate enough to say, "baby sit down and have a nice hot meal."  I could remember a relationship I stayed in longer than I normally would have because he could cook his ass off.  He would piss me off, I would get ready to leave but not before the last supper.  That food was so mouth watering it made you forget your mama's cooking.  So of course I stayed the night again. There is nothing sexier than a man standing in front of a stove with that cute apron wrapped around him.


Is Monogamy Natural?

I enjoy listening to the Breakfast Club on power 105.9 in New York. Last week they had the comedian David Alan Grier on as a guest and he was asked if ever cheated.  He amusingly stumbled around giving an answer.  Grier was twice divorced. Charlamagne  interjected his usual spiel about how polygamy should be legal, because a man committing to one person was impossible.  Grier had something real profound to say "we are told you are supposed to meet someone at 18, fall in love with them, and die at 100 and never cheat".   That seems unrealistic but that is what society dictates, at least here in America.  It is a fantasy perpetuated everywhere you look; in the media, literature, church, and at your mom's kitchen table.  I just don't think that monogamy is natural for most Homo sapiens.   Monogamy is cultural, it definitely is not part of your DNA.

I do believe if you put your mind to it you can commit to one person, but it takes a tremendous amount of will and determin…


February is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness month. It is crucial that we educate teenagers and young adults about physical, sexual and verbal abuse.  I am conflicted when I see the recent images of  Rihanna snuggling with Chris Brown after he beat the shit out of her.  The leaked photos of her swollen bruised face are still hard to forget.  She and Brown are grown and can do whatever they please.  I get that.  But the young victims of violence, like Latasha Norman above, make me wonder how much damage those images of Rihanna reuniting with Chris Brown has caused.

Love is complicated for adults.  It definitely is not any easier for teenagers to maneuver that battlefield.  Young people are so vulnerable during those formative years.  They are just learning how to deal with their sexuality, emotions and developing new relationships.  I think back to when I was in my teens and early twenties and I am not sure what I would have done if a man/boy I loved or was infatuated with was…




I don't normally make New Year's resolutions anymore, because when I do, you can count me out by January 31st.  This year I am making one.  I have resolved to love my kitty kat more.  As a woman I believe I have not given my vagina the love and attention it truly deserves.  I spend time going to the nail salon, getting my hair done, and purchasing cosmetics to feel pretty.  I work out, purchase vitamins and watch what I eat to get my body right.  What about the kitty?  The kitty should be nurtured, loved and and admired.  This is a resolution that I believe I can sustain throughout the year, and hopefully with the help of a special someone.

 Here are five ways I plan on giving my kitty-kat the TLC it deserves.

1. Annual Gynecological Exam.  Sexually active women who have had more than one sex partner or their sex partner has had multiple sex partners, should get pap tests. It detects STDs and cervical cancer caused by HPV.  It is recommended that you have a pap test at least e…