Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Holiday Sex

Your man tells you he and the boys are taking a little trip together.  They are probably going to play golf, jet ski and take in the sights.  Innocent enough right? After all you and your girls love your long weekend getaways together.  Good food, music, and the company of your sister friends makes for some wonderful memories.  Now all of a sudden he is pressed to get his U.S. passport. Well before he packs that suitcase and heads for that tropical paradise; where is he really going? Chances are the main objective for some of his boys is to get their dicks wet.  Will your man succumb to peer pressure?  Sex tourism is real.  It probably existed since Columbus sailed the seven seas.

Men with disposable income travel to exotic locals to have sex with beautiful women every single day.  There are countries that cater to their erotic desires.  The women are skilled and can make your man feel like he is Idris Elba sitting on a stack of money.   Prostitution can be found on every corner of the Earth but there is something about a city or country that condones it, that makes it enticing and so inviting for some. Here are a few places where a man is welcomed with open arms to come there and fuck until his hear is content.


When I think of sex tourism, Brazil is the first place that comes to mind. Rio de Janeiro will be hosting the 2016 Summer Olympics.  Rio like my beloved Trinidad loves to party so these Olympic Games are guaranteed to be like no other. People will flock to the South American jewel to witness athletic history, but believe me  there will be a lot of serious screwing going on.   It is no secret that for years Brazil has been a destination for men wanting to sample the beautiful women there that will cater to their sexual desires.  Adult prostitution is legal in Brazil, but not pimpin'. The government actually has a website devoted to prostitution as a career and even goes so far as to describe the courses that are required, for example, safe sex, beauty, and budget planning.


The secret service's recent sex scandal involving local  prostitutes had everyone talking about the Colombian "escort" industry. What did we learn?  If you are sent to Cartagena to protect the President don't think you can get away with haggling an escort the next morning for services rendered. Colombia was notorious for that white powder they exported but the sex industry is flourishing there.  Adult prostitution is legal in designated zones but facilitating sex tourism is illegal.

Costa Rica

Costa Rica is known for it's unrivaled ecotourism.  Thousands upon thousands travel there to enjoy the natural riches of this country nestled within Central America.  But it isn't just the beautiful landscape that draws people in; cities like the capital San Jose or the coastal city Jaco, are accustomed to men travelling there for uninhibited sexual escapades.  Adult prostitution is legal in Costa Rica and the sex workers are required to register and get routine medical exams.  But that in no way eliminates the risk of catching a STD. You will always have those workers that don't register at all.

Dominican Republic

An article in the February 2010 issue of  Essence Magazine titled "Fool's Paradise" exposed the sex industry in the Dominican Republic. It went into detail about  the sex excursions taken by some black men fulfilling t of their marital status. I lived for several years in the US Virgin Islands which has a large Dominican population.  Girls were constantly imported in to work at the local strip clubs and presumably as prostitutes.  Many of the men there traveled to D.R. for the weekend to get a taste of the local women and then come back home to their wives and girlfriends.  A man's U.S. dollars can go a long way with a sex worker in D.R.  Some say the Dominican Republic has replaced Brazil when it comes to the sex trade in Latin America.  For the man on a budget this is the perfect place. Prostitution is legal but brothels are not. Word on the street is that the government does not enforce any of the prostitution laws.


Thailand  is often called the Sex Tourism capital of the World. Bangkok, Thailand's Red Light District is infamous.  A man can find any kind of sex he wants regardless of the perversion.   Although prostitution is illegal, the government does not seem to enforce the law.  Women and men practice prostitution openly.  Sex is a billion dollar industry that gives a great boost to the economy of Thailand.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Celibacy Blues

Webster's Dictionary defines celibacy as the abstention from sexual intercourse and the state of not being married.  I grew up in the Catholic church so I always associated celibacy with the vow a priest or a nun takes. We all know that some priests have not been able to make that work. I would bet money that the nuns haven't all been successful either, they are just more discrete.  My understanding is, if one is celibate they not only give up the pleasures of the flesh but they abstain from all sexual activitiy and thoughts as well.  That theory means if you stopped fucking but you still masturbate, you are not celibate. Or if you only watch porn but you don't engage in vaginal penetration you are still not celibate.

Abstaining from sexual intercourse is a huge task to take on. In a society where sexual images and potential partners are ubiquitous; it takes a determination of steel to completely give up fucking. I had no idea who Devon Franklin was prior to viewing his interview to hawk his book, Produced By Faith, on After hearing him declare that he was celibate for over 10 years I had to find out more about him. Turns out Mr. Franklin is an anomaly, a Hollywood executive and a devout Christian.   Is it possible that an attractive and successful business man can abstain from sex for over ten years in Lala Land? If he truly abstained, his will power is commendable.

I enjoy sex.  I should rephrase that; I enjoy good sex. I have abstained from sexual intercourse with a man at different points in my life.  I never considered myself celibate.  My battery operated toys were always handy. But there were times when I needed to put the dick down.  Sex can confuse you and keep you in situations you do not need to be in.  The commitment to abstain from sex with another person is quite difficult in the beginning and it doesn't get any easier. One of my favorite songs on Jill Scott's album The Real Thing: Volume 3, is Celibacy Blues. That song is the perfect description of what you go through.  So if you decide to take the journey be prepared for the long road ahead. Here is some of the temptation I have found along the way.

The Finest Men

It seems that when you decide hey I am going to give up sex.  The fine ass men appear everywhere. When I see a gorgeous man that makes my heart flutter, naturally I start thinking about things of a sexual nature.

Yuma TnT Carnival 2012
Happy Hour

I like to get my drink on.  A couple glasses of pinot grigio or a cranberry and Malibu at half off and I am feeling nice.  Now put me in a bar setting with some decent looking men and I get that fuzzy feeling inside.  Not a good mix if you are abstaining.

The Radio

Turn your radio on any hip hop or r&b station and you are bombarded with the overt sexual messages that are a part of today's music.  I am listening to Miguel's "Adorn" right now and if that doesn't get your pulse racing, you might be dead. Okay Motivation by Kelly Rowland just came on.  I'm done.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Response to Just Say No to Wife Beaters

In response to "Just Say No to Wife Beaters" (see previous post) I have been informed by the male gender that there are some things they would prefer women not to wear. I in no way want to be bias, so here are their words...

Two Tone Weaves

Multicolored weaves. One color at a time...
They look like they belong on a bird.

Ugg Boots

Especially in the summertime....
Ugg Boot

Long False Eyelashes

It looks like your eyes are about to fall off.

Too Many Accessories

Just too much going on.

Tight Spandex

Tight spandex is a problem when all the lumps and bumps are showing.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Just Say No To Wife Beaters

Black men are the most beautiful men in the world to me. Nothing rivals a brother's swagger. Now I am speaking about grown men, not  teenagers or twenty something year olds with Similac still on their breath.  A mature well groomed black man in age appropriate attire is a vision of loveliness.   He does not have to be Idris Elba or Shemar Moore fine to turn my head.

The summer is behind us, but I live in Florida where there are really no seasons. So fortunately the men are able to flaunt their physiques all year round. I love to see a man in well fitted clothing that compliments his body. With that said, there really are some fashion don'ts I would like to see men put an end to.

Wife Beaters

Watching your man walk around the house in a white undershirt and boxers can be a turn on.  But there is something about him throwing on a pair of jeans or shorts and walking out the door in just a white undershirt that seems a bit off. Unless a man has a body like Tyson Beckford and is off to film an underwear ad; it just doesn't work.

Sandals with socks 

I love sandals on men.  Sandals with shorts or casual pants are very sexy.  But, unless you are an AARP card carrying member you shouldn't step off the back porch wearing sandals with socks.

Short Shorts

Grown men can wear shorts.  The question is how short should it be.  Hot pants are not a good look. Unless I am at the beach or at Trinidad Carnival, I prefer to see less leg. According to a man's shorts should hit 2 to 3 inches above the knee. says between 2" and 1"above and 1" below the kneecap.  That seems about right.

Appropriate for TnT Carnival 2011
J Crew Chinos

Capri Pants

Capri pants are mid-calf pants.  I really dislike capri pants on straight men as much as I hate perfectly trimmed eyebrows.  It screams femininity.

Full Athletic Gear

Wearing a basketball jersey and shorts are cool if you are going to shoot hoops or run to the corner store.  Wearing a complete LA Laker or Knickerbocker outfit on a date seems juvenile even if you are just going to Red Lobster.  When the sun sets the basketball jersey and matching shorts need to be put away.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

The Gay Relationship

Robert Brown and Nathanael Gay posted their wedding nuptials on youtube for all the world to see. Of course it has garnered its share of negative comments. We are after all in a somewhat homophobic society. The battle rages on to allow gays the right to marry in every state and above all for the federal government to recognize it.

Last week I met a gay couple that had recently gotten married in New York, where their union is legal. We discussed the civil service ceremony and their small reception, as you would any other wedding. The first thing I noticed about them was how well they complimented one another.  They had been together for three years prior to marrying and it just seemed right.  I fully support the right for homosexuals to marry.  I have more of an issue with how lightly people take the institution of marriage.  Straight people make a mockery of marriage every single day. If two consenting adults of the same gender want the right to make their union legal, who am I to judge.

What struck me most about the newlyweds was how comfortable and nonchalant they were about their marriage.  It was not a political statement or a stand against the right.  They simply wanted to make a life together.  You cannot get more real than that.  Some view homosexuality as an abomination against mankind.  Two men or two women laying together does not keep me up at night.  I don't care who is fucking who when consenting adults are involved.  We are on this planet for a short time.  If you are lucky enough to find love and happiness in the arms of another, their gender, race or religion should not matter.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Natural Hair and Beauty Expo

Last weekend I attended the Natural Hair and Beauty Expo at the the Double Tree Hilton in Orlando, FL.  It  was my first time attending, but hopefully wont' be the last. The room at the hotel was filled with sisters proudly wearing their hair in its natural state.  The black entrepreneurs hawking hair and beauty products, that you won't t find on the shelves of CVS or Target, were inspiring. Unequivocally I am a beauty product junkie. My new addiction is a Lemongrass Leave in Conditioner by Alikay Naturals which, I picked up a their booth at the expo.

Black women are unique in the fact that wearing our hair in the texture we were born with is considered making a statement. Changing our hair texture is fully embraced but choosing not to is still frowned upon in many circles.  If a white or Asian woman decides she does not want to alter her hair with a chemical or weave no one blinks an eye.  My natural hair journey started in 1996 when I decided to give up the perm forever.  After years of scalp burns, breakage and emptying my bank account, I realized I needed a drastic change. I didn't do the big chop, I opted for growing it out with braids.  Not the best idea because months and months of braiding can weaken your hairline. By 2002 I began the process of locking my hair.   I am not a member of the natural hair police.  I don't put people on blast for straightening their hair, just because I decided to stop.  I believe you should wear your hair as you choose.  But, I don't regret going natural, it has freed me in many ways.  Five reasons I am so happy to be nappy.

5.  The Public Reaction, mainly the men.  I am not saying you meet a better caliber of men; just that their approach is different.  The conversation many times starts with how long have you been wearing your hair like that, followed by a series of compliments.   You meet women as well, who engage in an effortless conversation about their own natural hair journey, or how they are considering it.

4. Water is no longer the enemy.  I am not afraid to get my hair wet.  My locs cannot turn back, because guess what, it is already back.  That means I can walk outside in the rain and not panic because I don't have an umbrella.  If I want to get it wet at the beach, it is not a catastrophe.  

3.  My bank account loves it.  My pockets are heavier.  All that money I spent on bi-weekly hair salon appointments or purchasing human hair for braids can now be used for other things. I just have to keep my love for experimenting with new hair products under control.

2.  Sweating is good.  I have no problem sweating my hair out.  So now I work out without waiting until right before my next hair appointment.  I can now get my exercise several  times a week.  It is a plus when it comes to sex as well.  I am not laying there wondering if I am going to sweat out the hairdo I got earlier.  I can focus on the task with total concentration.  Another positive, getting my hair pulled is a turn on.

1.  My self esteem has improved.  My self worth is not wrapped up in whether or not I have good or bad hair. I still cringe when I think about those mornings sitting in the kitchen, waiting in fear for that hot comb to singe the top of my ears.  Memories of  the eighties and one of the most atrocious styles to come out of that era, the jehri curl are not good ones.  Pouring sticky gook on my hair to get that "soft texture" was an all time low for me.  Today I have learned to love the texture of my kinky hair and not care who likes or dislikes it.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Love on the Rebound

So Rihanna and Chris Brown may be back together again after all. The focus for the next days will definitely be about  how a young woman could get back into a relationship with a man who physically assaulted her.  Domestic Violence is a serious issue.  The victims bear inner scars long after the outer scars heal. But my first thought when I read of the R&B couple reuniting was about the young lady who thought she was in a relationship with Brown. Was it wise for her to start dating a man who beat his last woman and, above all else, never got his ex out of his system.

Rebound is not so much the length of time that has passed since the previous relationship ended; but if you have gotten over that ex.  A person who knowingly gets involved with someone on the rebound has to be ready for the floor to fall from beneath them at anytime.  Unless you met and married your high school sweetheart chances are you were in a relationship with someone on the rebound.  Can you really get over an ex you were deeply in love with? Can you get pass the pain if things ended abruptly?  You have to ask these questions before you jump into a rebound relationship. Finally, do you really want to be that rebound chick or rebound guy?

Monday, October 1, 2012


Being in a relationship is hard.  Opening yourself up to another person exposes all your vulnerabilities. We each bring our own individual baggage into our relationships. Some of us bring a small overnight bag and others a five piece luggage set.  But, it is not so much how you enter a relationship but what you do while you are in it.  It is best to just take a deep breath and reevaluate your approach.  Here is some inspiration I picked up along the way.

Remember not getting what you want is sometimes a stoke of luck

The best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other

If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it

Make peace with your past, so it won't screw up the present

You don't have to win every argument


Since some of the fucked-up world changes that occurred in 2017, I have not been inspired to write anything.  Until now.  Black Panther p...