Thursday, August 30, 2012

The List

 Yesterday I had a conversation with a recently divorced woman who was now getting back in the dating game.  She joined a dating site in the hopes of meeting an attractive professional man.  She asked me if I thought she should expand her selection to men she normally was not attracted to.  I told her I thought that would be a mistake. "Stay in your lane, and do not deviate".  Is that shallow?  No.  I truly believe when you reach a certain age and you are prepared to enter into a serious adult relationship, you should not deviate.  This morning she informed me she was meeting with someone she connected with online last night. They talked for hours.  For now he has many of the qualities she likes which scares her because he seems to good to be true.  Let's cross our fingers and hope it works out.

Years ago when my sister had lamented that she was tired of dating and wanted to find the "right one" for her, I convinced her to create a list of all the qualities she wanted in this man.  The list comprised of what she wanted; physically, emotionally and economically.  I made a list myself.  Several years later and She is engaged and preparing to marry the love of her life.  Did he have all the qualities she wanted? No, but he fulfilled the important ones.  She is physically attracted to him, they enjoy doing things together, and he treats her well.  What more can you ask for.  In my case I am still searching.  I think my list below is realistic:

Actor Don Franklin.  Damn he is F.I.N.E
Physical

1.  In Good Health.
2.   Handsome face.  Features that together create a look that is easy on the eyes.
3.  Height: 5’ 8” -- 6” 0”. 
4.  Race: Preferably black
5.  Good hygiene.  Smells, tastes, and looks good.
6.  Medium to large build ( not obese) 
7.  Penis:  average to large
8. Goatee.  Well groomed, facial hair is a plus.  But it is not a must just a preference. But damn every man looks better with a goatee.
9.  Hair (would be nice)well groomed and conservative.  A bald head is okay.
10.Nice teeth.

 
Personality

1.      Easy going personality.  Quiet person who does not act up or show himself in public.
2.      Not a cheap person.  Generous and not stingy
3.      Open minded and willing to try new things
4.      Good sense of humor. I enjoy a witty individual who has a keen eye for something funny.
5.      Good natured and not vindictive.
6.      Mature person
7.      Humble and modest.
8.      Willing to be there for me. Have my back.


Essentials

1.      Willing to satisfy me sexually.
2.      Not in any possible way homosexual or bisexual or even remotely interested in being in that situation.
3.      Must be willing to travel
4.      Respectful of women and not violent or verbally abusive.
5.      Is employed and possesses an adequate education.
6.      Loves sports but is not obsessive. 
7.      Above all else, mentally sane, spiritual and god fearing.
8.   INTELLIGENT

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Five Timeless Black Couples




Ozzie Davis and Ruby Dee are the quintisential Black couple.  They met while peforming on Broadway in the play Jeb.  They were award winning artists, activists and a  symbol of longevity. "Their marriage lasted until Ozzie's death in 2005.

A meeting at a Harlem Baptist Church in 1964 would create a divine musical match that gave the world such classics as "Aint No Mountain High Enough" and "I Am Every Woman".  " Their enduring love of music and each other led to a union that could only be undone by Nick Ashford's death in 2011.  The music is a testament to their love and will always live on.



Will and Jada

The Hollywood power couple that met on the set of the Fresh Prince are the epitome of glamour and success.  He is a box office powerhouse and she a renaissance woman that compliments him perfectly.  Recent rumors of their separation haven't been proven but their timeless passion is undeniable.


Nelson and Winnie Mandela
Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison in South Africa for his opposition to the cruel injustice of apartheid.  Who stood by his side throughout it all, Winnie Mandela.  She the strong unbending woman never gave up the fight to see her husband released. Their divorce was one of the few break-ups that surprised me.  Yet nothing can outshine the significant political changes they made that changed the world forever.
 
Barrack and Michelle Obama
The ultimate couple.  They changed the world with the historical presidential win but what they represent as a black couple is astronomical.  They rebut and dispute every myth about a relationship between a black man and a black woman.  


Thursday, August 16, 2012

Five Myths About Black Love

Black Love has taken quite a beating in the media these past couple years. We are bombarded with all the statistics especially those targeting black women.  70% of black women are single, interracial dating is on the rise, it goes on and on.  Here are some myths about Black Love floating around that hold no merit.

1.   Black men fear marriage.  Not true.  Black men don't fear marriage they fear not being able to provide for a family.  If a man is secure with his financial situation, he starts to think about settling down with a mate and starting his own family. His manhood demands it.  The economy sucks right now and many brothers are struggling with not being able to provide as they see fit.

2.   Black women are too independent to want or even keep a man.  Yes black women are strong-willed and self-efficient but we have no problem with our man taking charge.  There is nothing more desirable than a self assured brother that has your back and  can hold things down. Most sisters yearn for that.

3. If a Black professional woman wants to marry she should consider going outside her race.  The absolute wrong reason to get involved in an interracial relationship is just so you can have a warm body beside you. There are eligible black men who are willing to commit.  Where to find them is the challenge, but it is well worth the leg work.

4.  A Black man cannot commit to just one woman.  Infidelity is part of our society as a whole.  Men cheat on their wives and women cheat on their significant others as well.  The black man is seen as a sex-craved being whose goal is to fuck as many women as he can. While some of our men are driven by their dicks, not all.  There are brothers out their that are willing to forsake all others for their woman.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Why a good father may keep a girl single.

When we analyze how a father affects his daughter’s relationships with men we tend to focus on the negative aspect; the absentee dad or the abusive father figure. It has been determined that how a little girl views her daddy has an impact on all her future romantic dealings with the opposite sex.  If a young lady is eager to please a man at all cost or she gravitates to older domineering men, we blame it on daddy not being there.  A woman caught in a vicious cycle of abusive relationships is assumed to have witnessed her father physically and mentally abusing her mother.  The theories can go on forever.
What of the girl who had a good father; the type of father that was nurturing, protective, and loving. There are some incredible Black fathers out there.   If your daddy put you on a pedestal, did he ruin you for all others?   I sometimes wonder if my expectations of a man are intertwined with the fact that I had a good father.  I have a tendency of getting myself out of a relationship the moment I feel a man is not up to par.  The single life has embraced me for most of my adult life.  A man does something that I find questionable and I bail.  You shouldn’t have to lower your standards when choosing a mate, but you have to be realistic.  My coming to terms with that is a work in progress.  I am thankful though  that daddy was and is still there for me when I need him.     Hopefully someday I will find a mate who I will let be there for me as well.