Friday, October 31, 2014

I HATE WHEN STRANGERS SAY SMILE....



I grew up in New York City, Brooklyn mostly, and I can remember when male strangers started talking to me on the street.  I was about 12 years old.  These were not boys hollering at me but grown men. Well it  was the 80s and I was allowed to walk everywhere alone: to the library, corner store, and the arcade, etc..  Now New Yorkers learn early on not to talk to strangers.  So I was initially thrown off by the unsolicited attention. Just like pregnancy, other females don't prepare you for it.

These gestures had sexual undertones; even at that tender age I could tell.   It felt weird in the beginning and as my body matured I grew accustomed to it. Some would say a simple hello, while others commented on your body and the more intimidating ones followed you for blocks.  I learned that when you ignored some, they would unleash a verbal wrath on you that could make Katt Williams blush.  On some occasions a man would say something sincere or he would make you laugh, harassment is interpretation, I guess.

Your attire does not matter.  You could be drowning in a huge winter coat or cooling off in denim shorts and the attention came your way. Of course the more sexily dressed you were perceived, the more intense were the gestures.  Sometimes you had a bad day, and you just left work and were headed to the A train.  You put your headphones on to block out the world, but not too loud because this is the Big Apple and you better be aware of your surroundings.  That is when you hear it, "Smile,". "You too pretty to not be smiling."  You ignore it and just want to get home.  Of course he takes it personal and "Bitch" rolls off his tongue as if it was the first word he uttered as a baby.  That is an extreme scenario, but not uncommon.  My sister said the late Biggie Smalls, cussed her out for not responding to one of his boys as she was walking the streets of downtown Manhattan. 

Women in large US cities, overseas, and probably damn near everywhere can possibly relate to this video.  My girlfriend told me the men in Italy are quite aggressive on the streets.  I know for a fact the men in the Caribbean are no slouches either. Over at clutchmagonline and article is stating that the white men in the street harassment video above were edited out.   This video was shot over 10 hours on the busy streets of the NYC.  She could have came in contact with thousands of people.  The majority appear to be civil. If they truly edited out the white men to target non-whites then this entire video is tainted.

Now when I initially described the men that engaged with me, I never attached race to it. I have been greeted by black, white, and Hispanic men.  Maybe you get the worse from your own, but the most crude things have come out of Black men's mouths.  I see nothing wrong with saying hello, or how are you doing, maybe even a simple compliment.  It is the immature banter that seems played out and ridiculous. 

Yesterday a man, he was white, said hello in a kind gesture outside of Publix grocery store. I returned the gesture.  It did not feel like harassment.  A women knows when she is being harassed or annoyed.  I currently live in Central Florida, so walking down the street is not as common, we live in our cars.  So a brief engagement is usually just that. There comes a time when a woman reaches a certain age and that attention comes to an end.  Will I miss it, probably not.  What I especially won't miss is the insistence of someone telling me to smile.  I am not a robot and will smile when I see fit.  If you want to engage, a simple hello will suffice.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

SERENA WILLIAMS IS PHENOMONAL


This Ad for Beats by Dre, has me lacing up my sneakers and getting down on the mat.  Serena is the "baadest" athlete on the planet.

Monday, September 8, 2014

LADIES IF HE PUTS HIS HANDS ON YOU, LEAVE!

The former Baltimore Ravens player, Ray Rice's domestic violence video on a casino's elevator is circulating all over the globe, compliments of TMZ.  The NFL previously suspended him for two games for the infamous video of him dragging his then fiancee, knocked out cold, out of the elevator.  One month later this young lady decides to marry this man who, as now revealed, punched her the hell out like he was brawling with Mike Tyson.  I don't know what led up to that heinous act.  What I do know is she needs to get the hell out of that situation.


Ray Rice and other men like him do not belong in relationships until they learn how to control their violent behavior.  Did she hit him prior to that or say something that pissed him off? I haven't a clue. What I do know is their foundation is quicksand and it will sink rather quickly.  The League gave him a meek slap on a wrist and now the Ravens have decided to give him the boot.  His wife should take note. If Baltimore can kick him the hell out, guess what so should she.  Domestic Violence is rampant in all societies.  It does not discriminate based on race, gender or socioeconomic status.  Men hit women.  Women hit men. Men hit men and Women hit women. Everybody needs to just keep their hands to themselves.  Whatever emotional scars or baggage you are bringing to a relationship do not channel it into a violent situation; get help.  If you are a victim of domestic violence; get help.  The National Domestic Violence Hotline (www.thehotline.org) @ 1-800-799-7233 can connect you to the resources you need to live a life free of violence.

No one, male or female; rich or poor; gay or straight; should remain in a relationship that involves physical and/or emotional abuse.  Run and get the hell out as fast as you can!

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Brown is Nude



I love lingerie.  It is one of my guilty pleasures.  There is something about putting on a pretty bra set that empowers you.  So I am excited about Nubian Skin, a new commerce site,  that will be launching a lingerie line that truly addresses what nude means to women of color.  For years, I have lamented about finding nude underwear that truly compliments the different shades of black women and our sisters of color.  I have searched for a pretty brown bra and pantie only to be disappointed. The few brown bras I find are boring and too matronly for my taste. I stopped wearing stockings because I could never find a shade that flattered my skin tone.

In October Nubian Skin plans to launch this groundbreaking business.  The bra sizes will range from 30B to 36E.  I am excited and welcome the diversity in the lingerie world.  I cross my fingers and hope the best for this new company.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

WHY I AM BOYCOTTING BET

Your natural hair and your soft skin, and your big ass in that sundress (ooh!) Good God, what you doing that walk for? - Poetic Justice (Kendrick Lamar)

When I first heard those lyrics I got goose bumps.  Wearing my natty hair has been liberating. I restarted my natural hair journey almost 20 years ago. I decided to do away with straightening my locks and I have never looked back.  Those moments of hot combs scorching my ears and my scalp being assaulted by lye are distant memories, and I shall never relive it.

I am not opposed to perms, straighteners or weaves.  Do whatever makes you feel beautiful.  What I am against is someone judging another for choosing a path that might be different than the majority.  If I want to let my natty locks blow in the win; it is my prerogative.  BET or no one else can kill my joy.

I am probably not part of BET's target audience.  I left my teen years and early twenties behind a long time ago.  So my boycotting of the cable network is not an issue for them.  I do have a son and while he is currently in my home he wont be watching BET either.  I have TV One to indulge in, so it really is not a loss. Honestly I stopped watching that channel consistently a long time ago.  Most of the time I could barely last 10 minutes watching their programming.  I do enjoy watching the award show every summer but I will have to live without that.

What's my motivation to abandon the once black owned basic cable network?  The recent comments made by Chris Brown's concubine about Blue Ivy's hair was the straw that broke the camel's back for me.  Little black girls have enough self image issues to contend with.  Attacking a little girl's natural hair is irresponsible and pathetic.

How absurd that wearing your hair in your natural state is not normal.  Only Black women are subjected to believing they must chemically alter the natural texture of their hair to fit in.   I shed that burden with no regrets.  It disturbs me to see people, passing as adults, ridicule a beautiful little black girl for wearing her gorgeous natural locks.  We can't blame white people for this ignorance. Anyone who objects to or is offended by an individual who has decided to let their natural go free is an asshole.  I have zero tolerance for anyone that believes it is okay to make fun of a precious child for being herself.  Fuck them and fuck BET.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

WOMEN ARE VISUAL CREATURES

Jeremy Meeks
The Stockton Police Department had a weapons bust and decided to post it on their Facebook page.  What they did not anticipate is all the attention one of their suspects, Jeremy Meeks would get.  His photo garnered over 38,000 likes. Apparently the world now knows that women do like eye candy.  Yes Mr. Meeks is handsome and I suppose it is his beautiful blue eyes and chiseled features that are getting all the attention.  The fact that he is a 30 year old convicted felon and gang member has not made him any less attractive to some.  I am sure for most, it is all fantasy.  Another young suspect, Terry Bailey, arrested that same day is no slouch in the looks department either.  I guess his brown eyes did not appeal to the masses.
Terry Bailey
The misconception is that women are exclusively attracted to things like money, status, or personality.  Men are visual creatures and mostly respond to a round booty, nice breasts and a smile. After all that is what drives the pornography industry. I do know that women are not immune to a man's good looks.  You may not want to invite Mr. Meeks over for dinner for fear he will in the least rob you.  But you are not opposed to fantasizing about him tonight with your battery operated boyfriend.  It really shouldn't be news that women are drawn to a handsome face wrapped in a bad boy image.

Magic Mike the male stripper film set in Tampa, Florida was a surprise hit that made over 167 million dollars at the worldwide box office.  The movie had a weak plot and even weaker dancing, with the exception of Channing Tatum's sultry moves. I watched the movie with a room full of excited females who left that theater satisfied. The women were excited to see extraordinarily attractive men barely clothed and  grinding on stage. There was no knight in shining armor or prince with a castle; just unadulterated sex appeal.  So you can admire the looks of a felon from afar and just keep it moving.  Looking but not touching never hurt anyone.


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Monday, May 19, 2014

CELEBRATING THE LIFE OF MALCOLM X


"We black men have a hard enough time in our own struggle for justice, and already have enough enemies as it is, to make the drastic mistake of attacking each other and adding more weight to an already unbearable load."

The Autobiography of Malcolm X written by Alex Haley was a work of art that changed my life in the most profound way.  I can still remember how exhilarated I felt after I read the final word. I was a sophomore in college who had never taken a literary journey like that before.  Malcolm X's life exemplified black love at the highest level. His words made me  realize redemption is possible and that you can overcome adversity with sheer will.  Today is the 89th anniversary of Malcolm Shabazz's glorious birth.  Although he was on this Earth for a brief time the impact he had on the world has lasted for generations.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

RACISM, SEXISM, AND THE POWER OF THE "P"



The dialogue between Donald Sterling and his ex concubine was one of the most fascinating conversations about race that I have heard in quite some time.   It reminded me of the revelation that the late South Carolina politician and infamous segregationist, Strom Thurmond, secretly fathered a child with a black teenager who worked in his family's household.   The sexual dynamic that is intertwined with social racism can be confusing, hypocritical, and sometimes complex.

Racism is more than saying the word Nigger.  Not once did Sterling say the word nigger, coon, or thug, but his words are the depiction of an old man who has benefited from white privilege as he drowns in his obsession with his whiteness.

Yes Sterling's ignorant views of race are obvious but his sexist views are equally blatant as evident below in his own words:
               
                 Donald: Ya it bothers me a lot that you want to promo... broadcast that you are
                 associating with black people. Do you have to?

                 Mistress: You associate with black people.

                Donald:  I am not you and you are not me.  You are supposed to be a delicate white or a
                delicate Latina girl.

Obviously this man feels that this woman does not have the right to associate with whom he doesn't seem fit, but he still can. Ironically she may even be part black which confuses this whole fiasco.  He can profit off of blacks, accept a NAACP Lifetime Achievement Award, and take as many photos with them as he pleases. The minute this colored mistress gets out of pocket, all hell breaks loose.

The power of the "pussy" prevails. This young lady is being sued by the Sterling family for embezzling over a million dollars from the old geezer.  She put it on him, he showered her with gifts, and then things went sour. The current longest owner of a NBA team now risks being removed from what I am sure is a treasured position; because he wanted some young pussy. The damage has been done. She struck back.  It doesn't matter if she is a gold digger who targets wealthy men; he should have been intelligent enough not to fall for it.  His racial views are skewed but he has no problem laying with a non-white woman.  Donald Sterling shines a light on the racist, sexist and ignorant views that still prevail without saying the word bitch or nigger.



Friday, April 25, 2014

WHY I DECIDED TO STOP WATCHING PORNOGRAPHY

I don't watch Love and Hip Hop; but I have heard of the recent sex tape by a couple of the VH-1 reality show's characters.  Now I know that some women have gained enormous fame from starring in leaked porn videos, but all of those women have been white.  Karrin Steffans, aka Superhead, did put her stamp on the literary world with Confessions of a Video Vixen but her pornography career did not land her on the cover of Vogue magazine.   The sister in Love and Hip Hop has obviously marketed her sex tape as a calculated career move.  We all make choices on a daily basis that may work for or against us. She is not running for public office or seeking a job at a Catholic school;so what is the harm?  Twenty or even ten years ago I would have said,  "it will die down".  That is no longer true, access to information is readily available; in a matter of seconds this video will be accessible to just about everyone.  I heard that she is a mother and I wonder how making this risque video will affect her child.  Not in a good or positive way I am sure.  I haven't decided to stop watching porn because of Love and Hip Hop but it hasn't dissuaded me from giving it up.  Top 3 reasons I am giving up porn.

3.  Most men are not hung like that. Professional pornography creates an unrealistic view of sex that I have grown tired of. Whether it is soft or hardcore I can do without the acrobatic positions and fake orgasms.  Sure I could watch amateur porn if I want reality, but film is all about escape for me.  Watching a dude that looks like my neighbor humping a woman that resembles the cashier at the supermarket, can get old.

2.  Guilt.  Many of the people, women in particular, that get involved in pornography are broken.  I think about Laurence Fishburne's daughter Montana, and the little sister on Family Matters that disappeared after a few seasons.  They are young vulnerable women who regretted screwing people on film and have suffered the repercussions.

1.  Seems like I should be fucking instead of watching others do it.  Using it as foreplay with another may work but I think using my imagination and creativity is more advantageous.  Sure you can get pick up some ideas and new tricks to practice. I do believe you can fly on your own if you are with someone that really turns you on; the possibilities should be endless.  Sex can get monotonous with a significant other but there other ways to spice things up.  I love reading erotica and will continue to indulge in that.  A book allows your imagination to fly and does not restrict your thoughts like film can.

You can never say never but for now I will refrain from pornography and let my own imagination do the work.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

PERCEPTION IS EVERYTHING





The young lady featured in the video above has filed a lawsuit against 2 Chainz for allowing this to air. She does look a bit thirsty but I really don't know if she is starstruck, a groupie, or seeking her 15 minutes. It might be all three.  She looks lovely and seems intelligent especially as she calls out her instagram.  Now in 2 Chainz's defense he may have had some run-ins with girls backstage and decided he was going to be proactive and document everything. Prevention is the best protection.  I can also look at him as being  a dick; because the young lady may just be a fan and lord knows he is lucky he has them.  He obviously should tighten up his security if he wants to keep certain people out. I am also certain his buddy was the one who let her in and decided to play dumb.

Social media has completely changed how we do things. It is a wonderful way to stay in touch with family, friends and the world.  I embrace social media and what it has to offer. Yet there are some things I have not been able to cosign with such as: online dating and posting every single bit of your life and every thought on sites like Twitter or Facebook.  The minute this woman realized she was being videotaped on a blog she should have hightailed it out of there.  The man had her do a twirl like she was up for bid at an auction.  Later on the embarrassment of being putting on display must have got to her if she felt the need to hire an attorney.  Does she have a case?  Only time will tell. Her desire to be seen on a blog and to get her instagram out there, clouded her judgment.  I guess the need to be seen is stronger than pride.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Darren Sharper Charged With Rape in L.A.

Darren Sharper the former NFL star was charged with two counts of rape while using drugs  by the Los Angeles District Attorney's Office.  He faces 30 years in prison if convicted. He was also charged with possession of a controlled substance and four counts of furnishing a controlled substance. It is alleged that he raped at least seven women in Arizona, Louisiana and Nevada by luring them back to his hotel rooms and lacing their drinks with morphine and zolpidem (Ambien). There are going to be those who find it hard to believe that a handsome former NFL star would have to resort to drugging women to have sex. Rapists and sex molesters cannot be categorized under a simple and neat description. They transcend race, religion, gender and class.

As this case unfolds it is probable more women will reveal that they were sexually assaulted by this alleged serial rapist. It is so scary out there.  You really cannot let your guard down; but we tend to do that in a social setting where alcohol is readily available.  It is only human to meet someone who you find attractive and you allow yourself to become vulnerable. It is hard enough as a woman to accuse a man of rape now add the fact that he is famous.  As a woman you are quite aware of what you will be up against. "She is a whore and therefore she wanted it."  You are dealing with the horrendous act thrust upon you and you have to face public suspicion and degradation on top of that.  If the charges are true, I hope the women involved can get the justice they deserve.  There is no excuse for forcing anyone to have sex without their possession.  No one asks to be a victim.  Poor judgement does not warrant someone violating your body and your wishes.