Friday, February 22, 2013

Five Things I Hope Men Never Stop Doing.

I love being in the company of men.  I know they are far from perfect, but so am I.  There are things a man can do for you that makes your knees buckle, but there are also those simple things that just put a smile on your face. There are at least five things I hope men never ever stop doing.

1.  Playing chef in the kitchen.  I don't care if it is Aunt Jemima pancakes or a box of macaroni and cheese; I appreciate when my man makes me a meal.  He does not have to be a culinary genius but just considerate enough to say, "baby sit down and have a nice hot meal."  I could remember a relationship I stayed in longer than I normally would have because he could cook his ass off.  He would piss me off, I would get ready to leave but not before the last supper.  That food was so mouth watering it made you forget your mama's cooking.  So of course I stayed the night again. There is nothing sexier than a man standing in front of a stove with that cute apron wrapped around him.

2. Taking care of my car.  I know this is the 21st century and we women are independent and capable of taking care of ourselves, but I don't like changing tires.  I know there is the mechanic at the dealership but I like when my man says let me take care of the car for you this weekend.  I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

3. Opening the door.  Chivalry is not dead.  There are still men out there who will hold a door open for you.  It always brings a smile to my face. Helping me grab my bag from the overhead is nice too.

4.  Complimenting.  I am never mad when a man says, "hey beautiful", or hi gorgeous. He could be a complete stranger and I kindly accept the compliment.  Obviously those words hold more weight if it is being said by someone you are feeling.  Terms of endearment never get old.

5.  Rocking facial hair.  I love, love, love a well groomed beard on a man.  I don't want men to ever stop growing facial hair.  There is something about a beard that screams pure masculinity. I will admit it here, I have a goatee fetish and I am not ashamed to say it.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Is Monogamy Natural?

I enjoy listening to the Breakfast Club on power 105.9 in New York. Last week they had the comedian David Alan Grier on as a guest and he was asked if ever cheated.  He amusingly stumbled around giving an answer.  Grier was twice divorced. Charlamagne  interjected his usual spiel about how polygamy should be legal, because a man committing to one person was impossible.  Grier had something real profound to say "we are told you are supposed to meet someone at 18, fall in love with them, and die at 100 and never cheat".   That seems unrealistic but that is what society dictates, at least here in America.  It is a fantasy perpetuated everywhere you look; in the media, literature, church, and at your mom's kitchen table.  I just don't think that monogamy is natural for most Homo sapiens.   Monogamy is cultural, it definitely is not part of your DNA.

I do believe if you put your mind to it you can commit to one person, but it takes a tremendous amount of will and determination. Four reasons monogamy can be so difficult.

1.  Genetics.  We are mammals, highly evolved mammals, but still mammals.  Monogamy is rare in the animal kingdom.  So it would be naive to think it would be easy to follow the rules of monogamy when it goes against natural instinct.

2.  Options.  Chris Rock said it best, "A man is as faithful as his options".  This can easily be applied to women as well.  The possibilities are endless in meeting someone new to fuck.  You can hook up in so many different ways, the Internet, at work, the club, the gym and on the subway platform on the F line.

3. Boredom.  If you are bored or dissatisfied with your sex life you begin to obsess about sex.  You constantly imagine yourself in more risque activity. The fantasy about that attractive UPS man that delivers packages to your apartment complex plays over and over in your mind.  You contemplate ordering some junk just to get him to visit.

4. The Office.  Where do people stray the most?  a. The Club  b. The Bar c. Online  or d. The Workplace  The answer is d.  People are cheating on their spouses at work as I write this.  I have seen several married co-workers hook up at work way before they  make it to Happy Hour.  It does not matter if it is within the offices of the Senate, CIA or the accounting department on the 5th floor, people are cheating on their significant others with their co-workers.  It is convenient, easy and comfortable to snuggle up to the person in the cubicle across from you.

Friday, February 8, 2013

IS IT EVER OKAY TO RECONCILE WITH AN ABUSER?


February is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness month. It is crucial that we educate teenagers and young adults about physical, sexual and verbal abuse.  I am conflicted when I see the recent images of  Rihanna snuggling with Chris Brown after he beat the shit out of her.  The leaked photos of her swollen bruised face are still hard to forget.  She and Brown are grown and can do whatever they please.  I get that.  But the young victims of violence, like Latasha Norman above, make me wonder how much damage those images of Rihanna reuniting with Chris Brown has caused.

Love is complicated for adults.  It definitely is not any easier for teenagers to maneuver that battlefield.  Young people are so vulnerable during those formative years.  They are just learning how to deal with their sexuality, emotions and developing new relationships.  I think back to when I was in my teens and early twenties and I am not sure what I would have done if a man/boy I loved or was infatuated with was abusive toward me.  Would I have sought help? I honestly cannot say I would have. I grew up in the 70s and 80s and I do not recall a massive campaign back then to empower young women and encourage them to leave damaging relationships. I would like to believe that I would have had the strength and self-esteem to escape an abusive situation. It is not that simple.  Abuse can damage your soul.  There is no telling what you will do in that situation without the right tools to escape.

The 1 is 2 Many movement, led by Vice President Biden, says that young women suffer the highest rates of dating violence and sexual assault.  One in 10 teens will be hurt on purpose by someone they are dating. One in five women have been sexually assaulted while in college and one in 9 teen girls will be forced to have sex. What alarms me about these statistics is that I know that many young women suffer in silence, so these numbers are probably considerably higher.

How do you to a tell a young impressionable woman to get out of a violent relationship when all over the internet she sees that sexy and happy famous pop star who seems okay with reuniting with her abuser? How do you stress to her that she deserves a man who respects her body and mind ALL the time?