Ozzie Davis and Ruby Dee are the quintisential Black couple. They met while peforming on Broadway in the play Jeb. They were award winning artists, activists and a symbol of longevity. "Their marriage lasted until Ozzie's death in 2005.
A meeting at a Harlem Baptist Church in 1964 would create a divine musical match that gave the world such classics as "Aint No Mountain High Enough" and "I Am Every Woman". " Their enduring love of music and each other led to a union that could only be undone by Nick Ashford's death in 2011. The music is a testament to their love and will always live on.
Will and Jada
The Hollywood power couple that met on the set of the Fresh Prince are the epitome of glamour and success. He is a box office powerhouse and she a renaissance woman that compliments him perfectly. Recent rumors of their separation haven't been proven but their timeless passion is undeniable.
Nelson and Winnie Mandela
Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison in South Africa for his opposition to the cruel injustice of apartheid. Who stood by his side throughout it all, Winnie Mandela. She the strong unbending woman never gave up the fight to see her husband released. Their divorce was one of the few break-ups that surprised me. Yet nothing can outshine the significant political changes they made that changed the world forever.
Barrack and Michelle Obama
The ultimate couple. They changed the world with the historical presidential win but what they represent as a black couple is astronomical. They rebut and dispute every myth about a relationship between a black man and a black woman.
Black Love has taken quite a beating in the media these past couple years. We are bombarded with all the statistics especially those targeting black women. 70% of black women are single, interracial dating is on the rise, it goes on and on. Here are some myths about Black Love floating around that hold no merit.
1. Black men fear marriage. Not true. Black men don't fear marriage they fear not being able to provide for a family. If a man is secure with his financial situation, he starts to think about settling down with a mate and starting his own family. His manhood demands it. The economy sucks right now and many brothers are struggling with not being able to provide as they see fit.
2. Black women are too independent to want or even keep a man. Yes black women are strong-willed and self-efficient but we have no problem with our man taking charge. There is nothing more desirable than a self assured brother that has your back and can hold things down. Most sisters yearn for that.
3. If a Black professional woman wants to marry she should consider going outside her race. The absolute wrong reason to get involved in an interracial relationship is just so you can have a warm body beside you. There are eligible black men who are willing to commit. Where to find them is the challenge, but it is well worth the leg work.
4. A Black man cannot commit to just one woman. Infidelity is part of our society as a whole. Men cheat on their wives and women cheat on their significant others as well. The black man is seen as a sex-craved being whose goal is to fuck as many women as he can. While some of our men are driven by their dicks, not all. There are brothers out their that are willing to forsake all others for their woman.
When we analyze how a father affects his daughter’s relationships with men we tend to focus on the negative aspect; the absentee dad or the abusive father figure. It has been determined that how a little girl views her daddy has an impact on all her future romantic dealings with the opposite sex.If a young lady is eager to please a man at all cost or she gravitates to older domineering men, we blame it on daddy not being there.A woman caught in a vicious cycle of abusive relationships is assumed to have witnessed her father physically and mentally abusing her mother.The theories can go on forever.
What of the girl who had a good father; the type of father that was nurturing, protective, and loving. There are some incredible Black fathers out there. If your daddy put you on a pedestal, did he ruin you for all others?I sometimes wonder if my expectations of a man are intertwined with the fact that I had a good father.I have a tendency of getting myself out of a relationship the moment I feel a man is not up to par.The single life has embraced me for most of my adult life.A man does something that I find questionable and I bail.You shouldn’t have to lower your standards when choosing a mate, but you have to be realistic.My coming to terms with that is a work in progress.I am thankful thoughthat daddy was and is still there for me when I need him.Hopefully someday I will find a mate who I will let be there for me as well.
I have been single more often than I have been in a relationship. It is a combination of luck, not opening myself to new experiences and just not meeting the right person. Now with my track record you would think I would give up on love, but I haven't. Yes, there are those days when I think that I may never find the perfect man. Not a perfect man, but the perfect one for me. I try to be open minded and not limit myself but I love the brothers. There is nothing more satisfying to me than to see a black man and black woman in love and holding it down. It gives me hope. No one exemplifies that more for me than our President and the First Lady. Barack and Michelle are powerful figures that have paved a path like no other. I am still bathing in the glory of the President's astronomically historical win in 2008. Contrary to Morgan Freeman's recent statement about President Obama being the first mixed President, he is straight up a 100% black man to me. What I admire the most about President Obama was his choice of a mate. It says a great deal about him. Our First Lady is a strong intelligent vocal woman who is not afraid to tell you like it is. It takes a strong man to say I want you by my side, not behind me or in a corner somewhere.
So it warmed my heart to see Mr. President plant one on his beautiful First Lady. Rightfully they were hesitant at first when the awkward kiss cam focused on them during that basketball game. They recovered quite nicely and showed the world that Black Love truly exists and will continue to persist. You just know there is some good brown loving going down within the walls of the White House.
I recall sitting in a New York City movie theatre watching Spike Lee's film Jungle Fever as a young woman back in the nineties. Back then you anticipated the opening of a new Spike Lee Joint with much excitement. One of the most profound scenes is when Queen Latifah's character, a waitress, throws Wesley Snipe a ton of shade for bringing a white woman to the restaurant. At that time I never gave much thought to that type of relationship. I was young and believed love should have no boundaries.
Well as the available "good" black men seemed to dry up and the historical view of a black woman's lack of beauty reared its racist head, I grew to feel uncomfortable in the presence of these relationships. Ironically I have dated outside my race but I am still working on my issues with jungle fever or the swirl. I am a work in progress. Here are five reasons why I believe a black women should not be upset when they see a black man with a white woman.
1.He might be an asshole. OJ Simpson, need I say more.
2.Men like variety especially the exotic kind; it is not necessarily because he finds black women undesirable. It is there nature, and I think women should embrace this. Just pay attention to all the white men with Asian women. White women have been on a pedestal for years but believe me the white women have noticed white men with Asian women. I have actually been a part of these conversations. The difference is white women don't take it as personal as we do.
3.He might have been raised by a white family, and knows no other experience. For some time there has been a trend for white families to adopt children of other races; particularly wealthy upwardly mobile whites. They tend to live in all white neighborhoods so the brother did not grow up around his own kind. He probably identifies with that blond woman who wiped his nose or kissed his bruised knee as a youngster.
4.I know the name of this blog is Black Love Rules but I believe black women who are open to exploring relationships with men of other races, should. The brothers don’t have any trepidation when stepping to a female who uses a different comb than they do.
5. Sometimes we find love where we least expect it; race, gender, religion, or ethnicity does not play any role in this. You can't be angry at L O V E. If it isn't your man there really should not be any reason for you to object to a relationship between consenting adults. It is wasted energy. Now I need to constantly apply this concept myself.
There are very few times I have been saddened by the end of a celebrity's marriage. The day I found out about Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston's separation was one of those days. The only other time I can recall that feeling coming over me was when Winnie and Nelson Mandela decided to go their separate ways. There is something about a couple that goes through seemingly insurmountable challenges together. You cheer for them when they come out of those trials and tribulations with the relationship still intact. Yes Bobby and Whitney appeared to have a volatile and sometimes troubling union, but I cheered for them. The love was there. Despite whatever demons they both dealt with they produced a beautiful child, made good music together and met some challenges other relationships would have never survived.
In Whitney Houston's sudden passing I recall the end of one of Bobby Brown's stints in jail. Who could forget Whitney running and jumping into his arms, unabashed and brimming with passion. I am not going to lie I was a bit envious, not of her having a man who was in and out of jail for some immature shit. No I envied, the ability to give into love so deeply that you abandon all rationale; that kind of crazy love that makes you slap your mama. Whatever your views are about their union, it was undoubtedly driven by love, black erratic, vulnerable, in your face love.
