Jungle Fever

I recall sitting in a New York City movie theatre watching Spike Lee's film Jungle Fever as a young woman back in the nineties. Back then you anticipated the opening of a new Spike Lee Joint with much excitement.  One of the most profound scenes is when Queen Latifah's character, a waitress, throws Wesley Snipe a ton of shade for bringing a white woman to the restaurant. At that time I never gave much thought to that type of relationship.  I was young and believed love should have no boundaries.

Well as the available "good" black men seemed to  dry up and the historical view of a black woman's lack of beauty reared its racist head, I grew to feel uncomfortable in the presence of these relationships. Ironically I have dated outside my race but I am still working on my issues with jungle fever or the swirl. I am a work in progress.  Here are five reasons why I believe a  black women should not be upset when they see a black man with a white woman.

1.                 He might be an asshole.  OJ Simpson, need I say more. 

2.                Men like variety especially the exotic kind; it is not necessarily because he finds black women undesirable. It is there nature, and I think women should embrace this. Just pay attention to all the white men with Asian women.  White women have been on a pedestal for years but believe me the white women have noticed white men with Asian women.   I have actually been a part of these conversations. The difference is white women don't take it as personal as we do.

3.              He might have been raised by a white family, and knows no other experience.  For some time there has been a trend for white families to adopt children of other races; particularly wealthy upwardly mobile whites.  They tend to live in all white neighborhoods so the brother did not grow up around his own kind.  He probably identifies with that blond woman who wiped his nose or kissed his bruised knee as a youngster.

4.                I know the name of this blog is Black Love Rules but I believe black women who are open to exploring relationships with men of other races, should.  The brothers don’t have any trepidation when stepping to a female who uses a different comb than they do. 

5.                Sometimes we find love where we least expect it;  race, gender, religion, or ethnicity does not play any role in this. You can't be angry at L O V E.  If it isn't your man there really should not be any reason for you to object to a relationship between consenting adults. It is wasted energy.  Now I need to constantly apply this concept myself. 

Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston, Something In Common

There are very few times I have been saddened by the end of a celebrity's marriage.  The day I found out about Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston's separation was one of those days.  The only other time I can recall that feeling coming over me was when Winnie and Nelson Mandela decided to go their separate ways.  There is something about a couple that goes through seemingly insurmountable challenges together.  You cheer for them when they come out of those trials and tribulations with the relationship still intact.  Yes Bobby and Whitney appeared to have a volatile and sometimes troubling union, but I cheered for them.   The love was there.  Despite whatever demons they both dealt with they produced a beautiful child, made good music together and met some challenges other relationships would have never survived.

In Whitney Houston's sudden passing I recall the end of one of Bobby Brown's stints in jail.  Who could forget Whitney running and jumping into his arms, unabashed and brimming with passion.  I am not going to lie I was a bit envious, not of her having a man who was in and out of jail for some immature shit.  No I envied, the ability to give into love so deeply that you abandon all rationale; that kind of crazy love that makes you slap your mama.  Whatever your views are about their union, it was undoubtedly driven by love, black erratic, vulnerable, in your face love.

Temptations

http://youtu.be/Kl-AbnsxTpw

This is by far the sexiest music video I have ever seen.  RIP Tupac.

Marsha Ambrosius, Late Nights and Early Mornings

Great message to empower sisters and get them to make the  brothers wrap it up.  Safe sex is definitely the best sexual encounter two can share. I love the fact that Black music is not bashful about expressing the natural pleasures of the flesh but for too long it has been the bump and grind aspect that gets promoted.  It is refreshing to see a mature and wise take on having sex.

Why Am I Still Single?

I contemplate the possibility of a long life as a single black woman.  At the age of 12 I imagined myself married with children by the time I reached 25.  What killed the dream?  I am a college educated black woman over 35 who avoided walking down the aisle.  Yes I had a child out of wedlock, so my stock went down, but I was in my late thirties when that happened. I should have been married way before that, right?   It has been a constant journey to discover whether or not I am the reason I am not married.  Subconsciously is it possible that I remained single because I fear that type of commitment that warrants someone to say 'til death do us part"?  Or did I cancel myself out of the game by decisions and choices I made over the years?  There is a chance I am just another statistic the media loves these days, the undesirable black woman destined to be all alone.   A recent article by a non-black website pretty much told black women if you want to get hitched you better start chasing down white men. The jury is still out on that, but I do know there are at least five possibilities why I may remain perpetually unwed.   
 

1. Failed to Search for a Husband in College.
I am a firm believer that every woman has a period I call, Her Pretty Years.  It falls somewhere between 17 years old to about 25.  I know women are beautiful at all stages of their lives, but pretty years are something different.  It is when our features are softer, we are more hopeful about the future and most of all we appear more attractive to single virile men. I had four solid years to find a potential mate amongst the young unattached men roaming my campus. It was the perfect environment to discover a young man that had not accumulated any emotional baggage yet.  Silly me I went to school got an education, partied a bit, but failed to enter into a serious relationship.   Big mistake if you envisioned tying the knot in your future. 

2.  Remained in New York City
The best place in the world to be a single woman is an overpopulated metropolitan city.  You are surrounded by people just like you. Single men are everywhere vying for your attention.  You don't feel odd when you socialize because it is the norm for people to ride solo.  If you had to tough it out in the suburbs or more family friendly neighborhoods then you might get the urge to jump that broom.  I should have headed to a little town nestled in the south.  It would have driven me crazy as boredom set in, but I would have been highly motivated to tie the knot.

3.  Single Girlfriends
I can count the number of girlfriends who have invited me to weddings over the years on one hand and still have at least three fingers left over.  For some reason I have gravitated to friendships with women who remain perpetually single. Maybe if I went to a slew of weddings and got recruited as a bridesmaid a few times, I may have been motivated walk down the aisle myself.  Besides a wedding was probably a great place to meet single men.

4. Didn't Date Enough
Yes I was single, but I would meet a guy and hang out with him exclusively for a little while.  It makes more sense to juggle three or four men at a time.  Of course you are not giving up the goodies to any of them at this point.  Well maybe the finest one. Dating a variety of men at once probably allows you to evaluate what you are looking for and what you are not.  Instead of eating one entree I should have got on the buffet line and sampled a little bit of everything.

5. Delusions of Grandeur
For some reason I believed that a dark knight would rescue me from singledom and carry me off into the sunset of marital bliss.  It could have been all those frivolous Harlequin romance novels I devoured in junior high school or maybe I am just a romantic at heart.   I failed to realize that some girls have to work at finding a mate.  He will not fall into your lap; you must devise a plan and stick to it.

So here I am a single mom with no prospects on the horizon.  Am I miserable? No but if I do find love, and he gets on one bended knee and I say yes; I could live with that.

you got love -Kindred the Family Soul featuring Snoop Dogg

Salt 'N' Pepa - Whatta Man 1994 (feat. En Vogue)